This is feedback?

I'M LOUD, WHICH MEANS I'M RIGHT!
I’M LOUD, WHICH MEANS I’M RIGHT!

Oh, the hell and agony I must endure so as to spare you, my loyal reader, from hopefully having to experience the same thing.

Once again, your humble author has been savaged by the sharp knives of online criticism. This time around, it was regarding the logline for my mystery-comedy.

Perhaps I’d been lulled into a sense of false security by recently receiving positive feedback on it from other sources. Feeling buoyed by those encouraging comments, I posted the logline somewhere else. Even though I like how it currently reads, that doesn’t mean it can’t still be improved.

Ever notice that a lot of online forums are usually organized with the intention/suggestion/guideline that participants “offer up helpful advice” to those seeking it? More on that in a minute.

There was one positive response, which was quickly shoved aside by one of a more…negative nature.

Among the highlights:

“…probably one of the worst concepts I’ve ever heard.” (*Ahem* PIXELS?)

“Maybe if it was written for 5-year-olds…” (because that hasn’t worked for Disney)

“That’s how hokey your entire concept comes across as. Sorry, but I think it’s truly dreadful. (sad face emoji)” (So glad they threw the emoji in or I would have totally missed their point.)

Younger-writer Me would have not taken these comments well. Present-day Me laughed my fucking head off.

You don’t like it? Fine. Makes no difference to me. But why all the hate and insults? All I’m reading are the thoughts of a bitter asshole who doesn’t understand the term “constructive criticism”.

If your overall message is simply “Your idea sucks, and now I’m going to shit all over it!” then what’s the point of even saying anything? Do you think your vitriolic rant is going to make me suddenly stop working on it?

There were so many ways I wanted to respond, and came really close to doing it several times, but instead opted to just stay silent. No matter what I said, it would probably be misconstrued and more than likely start an unnecessary battle of words. Not worth it.

Remember that little guideline for the group regarding “helpful advice”? How exactly does anything that was said do that? Anybody can say they don’t like something, but at least give a valid reason why. Another member chimed in that “you have to take the comments if you post”. I agree, but that means the comments have to be worth taking in the first place.

A friend offered up this reminder: “When someone criticizes, it needs to be specific and constructive. Otherwise, it has no value.” I’d say that’s pretty accurate, and definitely applies here.

An even more amazing aspect to this whole thing is that this is the exact same person who issued a similar diatribe over the logline for my western last year. As far as my research can tell, they are still a self-proclaimed “director, producer, screenwriter and script consultant,” although without any identifiable credits or internet presence.

The whole purpose of providing feedback is to use your knowledge to help the other person make their something better, and in a way that’s not insulting or belittling. In this case, neither happened.

This was just an angry opinion showing a total lack of knowledge, help and encouragement, and definitely could not be considered feedback in any true sense of the word.

Ask a Significantly Astute Script Consultant!

Laurie Ashbourne

The latest in a series of interviews with script readers and consultants who would be worth your while to work with if you want to get your script in shape. Today’s spotlight is on writer-producer-consultant Laurie Ashbourne.

After seeing Who Framed Roger Rabbit in an old theater in Philly, Laurie knew that she had to be a part of that process.  Within 6 months she was in Disney Feature Animation‘s new studio in Florida working on a Roger Rabbit short and The Little Mermaid, and stayed on through the production of Lilo and Stitch. Leaving that cocoon to create and own her work, she quickly segued to live action and documentaries as a writer, producer and script supervisor.

With four features she wrote as work-for-hires in production, a dozen ghost- writing films and pilots in development, an independent animated feature in pre- production, an original story she wrote (10-31) was recently announced on the fast-track to production with acclaimed producers Eli Roth and Roger Birnbaum and a bio-pic she wrote is in early stages with Bohemia Group Originals.

Laurie is also longstanding story analyst for the likes of Amazon Studios Feature Films and Austin Film Festival.
In addition, she oversees several projects in development via her company, LA Story Studio. Her documentary work continues as well, as a producer for iconic director Robert Greenwald’s Brave New Films banner where she just co-
produced, SUPPRESSED – the fight to vote (2020), and RACIALLY CHARGED (2021), featuring two-time Oscar winner, Mahershala Ali.

1. What’s the last thing you read/watched that you thought was incredibly well-written?

I recently read a screenplay for a competition that was amazing. It was so well-paced and had such a perfect economy of words, twists and great characters – I wish I could share it with you, but I have no doubt that sooner than later everyone will have a chance to see it on screen.

For watching, the film LITTLE BOY. About 4 years ago the casting director asked my son to read for the part, so I was sent the script. It was such an emotional story that read really well, even though it broke some traditional pet peeves of mine, I completely overlooked them because I was so engrossed in the story. My son ended up sending in a video read because I was on a job in Virginia AND he had just lost his 2 front teeth so we knew the read wouldn’t go over at its best. Regardless, we went to see it (and I have to say the boy they had for the lead did a great job). I immediately could see where they had to change some things but it mostly stayed true to the script. I enjoyed the film and it was completely emotional, but I could definitely see how it read better than it played.

2. How’d you get your start reading scripts?

My first job in the industry was with Walt Disney Feature Animation, and as a department head I was in on a project from development through to final reels. But I didn’t start reading them professionally until I left the company to work in independent film, over ten years ago.

3. Is recognizing good writing something you think can be taught or learned?

The tenements of the craft can be taught easily but if a sense of story isn’t there then those ‘guidelines’ become hard and fast rules that can overlook a good story and what it needs to be brought up to industry standards. Learning story is possible, but it’s not for everyone, those that it is for can’t let it go. I’ll use my son as an example again. He will watch a movie until he knows it by heart and then pick apart the structure and characters, all by his own will. He said to me the other day, “When a movie does well, they automatically make a number two, and they do it quickly, and when that doesn’t do well they spend more time working out number three. Number twos always stink.” He’s 10, so I think it’s safe to say that a sense of story is ingrained in his psyche with no teaching other than immersing himself in something he enjoys.

4. What are the components of a good script?

Characters with an emotional want that comes across as genuine – in this case it’s the difference between a homeless person holding up a sign that says “will work for food” and one that holds up a sign that says “hungry, broke please give”. The audience is much more likely to attach themselves to a character who is willing to do what it takes to survive – the character that is willing to work for his food.

Craft contains a lot of things that get a bad name as hard and fast rules, and it’s true that if you are trying to break in you have to look like you are willing to adhere to industry standards, truth is your craft demonstrates mastery of cinematic story SOME formatting issues can be overlooked. So at the top of the mastery of cinematic language is, giving the actors something interesting to do that advances the plot and peels back the layers of their character. This does not mean writing verbose prose; that is not cinematic. Cinematic is thinking like a director in your mind, but conveying that action in words that do not include camera direction.

5. What are some of the most common mistakes you see?

-Misuse and abuse of parentheticals and exclamation points

-Typos and poor formatting

-A misunderstanding of scene headings in content and purpose

-A great idea poorly executed, usually in character and pacing

-A poor balance of dialogue and action (which is usually because of way too much dialogue)

6. What story tropes are you just tired of seeing?

It seems to be cyclical; every year there is more of one than another, so I guess that falls into chasing trends. Right now, there seems to be a lot of smaller character pieces, which is good for independent film, but with specs that are trying to break in (rather than going out and producing the indie on your own), it’s really difficult to get behind a moody character wandering the town or country instead of facing an uncomfortable truth. So it goes back to the homeless analogy – why do I care about this person, and please make it interesting without a having a diary in voiceover.

I admit it’s a bit of a catch-22, it’s also very difficult for an unknown to break in with a tentpole, but there is a happy medium where there are just enough elements to give the audience and producers something worth the investment of time and money.

7. What are the 3 most important rules every writer should know?

-Your material will not resonate with everyone, but if it’s not resonating with anyone, it’s time to analyze those notes you thought were shit.

-Write because you have to get a story out of your system, not because you want to strike it rich or win a contest.

-Let the audience (or reader) get to know your character through the action we see them take on screen, not via a laundry list of their traits.

8. Have you ever read a script that was an absolute, without-a-doubt “recommend”? If so, could you give the logline?

Sure. I’ve had the pleasurable honor to move a lot of scripts forward and nothing makes me happier than to see writers I worked with or read be working in the industry. Frankly, most scripts that come to me don’t have a logline, and I craft one for the coverage – most contest scripts don’t come with loglines. Loglines when done well are a craft unto themselves and contests are won on these concepts, but a great logline does not make a great script. This goes back to one of my top three: Most great ideas fall short on execution and again, I really think that comes down to sense of story. I personally write a logline before (during and after) I write a script. Writing it out at the start helps shape your outline. But just as the outline will change as you write, the logline should too, by becoming tighter.

I recently read a logline on LA Screenwriter called The Muffin Men – it was really brilliant. But who knows if the script is?

9. How do you feel about screenwriting contests? Worth it or not?

Yes, but do your homework. There are more scams than legitimate career changers. It’s worth it to get your script in top-level shape and submit to the top-tier contests (which there are less than 10) the odds are tougher due to the number of submissions but if you seriously want to advance your career, there’s no use in wasting money on the Podunk USA’s screenplay competition.

10. How can people get in touch with you to find out more about the services you provide?

My company at LA Story Studio, my blog 1st 10 pages, or via Stage 32 – https://www.stage32.com/LAstory.

11. Readers of this blog are more than familiar with my love/appreciation of pie. What’s your favorite kind?

I’m not much for desserts, but I like apple if it’s fresh and not overly gooey, or key lime. When I was a kid I was all about Tastykake cherry pie.

Toothbrush. Clean skivvies. Business cards. Let’s go!

Opting to leave my emotional baggage at home
Opting to leave my emotional baggage at home

Kind of busy getting ready to head out to the Great American Pitch Fest, so another shorty today.

(Still accepting suggestions about where one might find quality pie in beautiful downtown Burbank.)

-Didn’t get much writing done this week due to our shaggy dog getting a mess of foxtails stuck in her toes, including one so far in it required a trip to the emergency pet clinic. She’s better now.

-More great notes received for the western. Thanks to all who’ve contributed. It’s especially nice when those who’ve read the previous drafts have high praise about how much of an improvement the latest one is.

Hopefully the next draft will continue that trend.

-The revamping of the comedy outline continues, including tightening the whole thing up. I must have cut at least 10 scenes/pages, so shooting for a total of somewhere in the mid-to-upper 90s. As it should be.

-Yet another “pass” on the fantasy-adventure pitch, so taking a break from those for the time being. The most frustrating part is the oddly-phrased way some of them say no. I’d rather they just said “Sounds intriguing, but it’s not for us.”

Too bad there’s no translator app for that.

-Reader participation time! In the comments below, please give the title, genre and logline of the second script you ever wrote.

I’ll go first.

WOK & ROLL. Comedy. An overly-ambitious Caucasian chef in a struggling family-run Chinese restaurant takes on a sleazy rival determined to shut it down.

Who’s next?

Ask a Penchant-for-Verbs* Script Consultant!

*Actually, he's skilled in all aspects of grammar, but his company is named for three very important verbs
*While Brad is skilled in all aspects of grammar, his company is named for three vital screenwriting-oriented verbs

The latest in a series of interviews with script readers and consultants who would be worth your while to work with if you want to get your script in shape. Today’s spotlight is on writer-reader-consultant Brad Johnson of ReadWriteWatch.com.

Brad is an experienced screenwriter, producer and script consultant who, in addition to operating his own script consultancy, has also read for the Nashville Film Festival and been a judge for the NYC Midnight Screenwriting Challenge. His scripts have reached the semi-finals in Final Draft’s Big Break Screenwriting Contest, and a second place finish for the Walt Disney Screenwriting Fellowship. Additionally, Brad has worked as a producer on the short film Tesla versus Cthulhu, and a production assistant on My Boring Zombie Apocalypse. Brad is also a regular contributor to Script Magazine where his Specs and the City column discusses methods for beginners and pros alike to improve their writing. You can learn more about Brad, his script services, and the 52 Script Challenge on his website, ReadWatchWrite.com. He can also be found on Facebook and on Twitter @RWWFilm.

1. What’s the last thing you read/watched that you thought was incredibly well-written?

Nightcrawler was a fantastic character study, and I recently rewatched the FX mini-series Fargo. That writing room did such an amazing job of telling a compelling story with interesting characters, and capturing a specific tone and voice while doing so; perfectly capturing the feel of the Coen Brothers movie. As for reading, I just finished Body Heat (again) and continue to be blown away by it. Lawrence Kasdan makes you feel the humidity in his words in that script. The heat becomes its own character. It’s palpable. Go read it right now if you haven’t had the chance yet.

2. How’d you get your start reading scripts?

On a personal level, I started reading scripts as part of a challenge I set for myself – to read one produced script a week for an entire year. It worked so well that I’ve continued the tradition (you can find the 2015 list of scripts I’ll be reading, along with downloadable PDFs for each screenplay on my website).

For my clients, I decided to start consulting after several people read the column I write for Script Magazine and contacted me, asking if I’d be willing to look over their screenplays. As I started doing more of that, I discovered I have a genuine love for helping other writers learn to tell their stories in the best way possible. There’s nothing more satisfying than helping a writer break their story, or realize how they can tell it more effectively. At its best, consulting is a truly rewarding experience for both sides.

3. Is recognizing good writing something you think can be taught or learned?

It’s definitely a learned skill. Sure, you can be taught the basic structure and formatting of screenwriting, but what makes a good script is something you learn by reading lots and lots of screenplays. The more you read, the better you’ll get at realizing what works – and what doesn’t.

4. What are the components of a good script?

Showing rather than telling – it’s a cliché for a reason. Remember that you aren’t writing a story, you’re writing a story that is going to be watched on a screen, so be visual. Don’t tell us that someone is disappointed by a piece of news – tell us their shoulders slump and the smile fades from the lips; paint the picture of what we will be seeing should your script be made into a film.

5. What are some of the most common mistakes you see?

Not knowing the story you want to tell – or a lack of narrative focus. I see scripts all the time where so much time is spent jumping back and forth between two different stories (which, to be fair, could each be worthy of their own film), that neither is ever developed enough to be truly compelling. Whose story you’re telling, and why it needs to be told, are the two things you should never start writing without knowing. If you keep that firmly in mind, it becomes easier during rewriting to identify and cut the things that aren’t serving that story.

6. What story tropes are you just tired of seeing?

Pretty much anything from the last 15 years worth of romantic comedies. There are outliers (Love, Actually, Crazy, Stupid, Love, and Bridget Jones’s Diary leap to mind), but the Hollywood romcom formula has gotten to point of being so generic and overused that it’s actually insulting to audiences.

7. What are the 3 most important rules every writer should know?

-Read, Watch, and Write. It’s my mantra and it’s invaluable advice. If you want to be a professional screenwriter you have to get better than good – you have to get great – and the way you’re going to do that is by Reading scripts, Watching movies, and Writing pages.

-Live your life. You need to be out in the world doing things, meeting people, taking in experiences to fuel your next story.

-Less is more. Your goal with your script should be to tell as little of your story as possible, while still keeping it engaging and narratively cohesive. After you write your first draft, go back and start cutting the fat away until what’s left is the leanest most effective and impactful version of your story.

8. Have you ever read a script that was an absolute, without-a-doubt “recommend”? If so, could you give the logline?

I haven’t, but to be fair, that’s like asking if I’ve ever found a four leaf clover. They’re real and they’re out there, I just haven’t seen one in person yet.

9. How do you feel about screenwriting contests? Worth it or not?

Like anything else related to screenwriting, it’s not exactly a question that has a black and white answer. A lot of it depends on what makes it worthwhile for you. If you’re looking to feel better about your writing and have bragging rights, you can submit to basically any contest out there. But if you’re looking for contests that can actually impact your life and help your career, it’s few and far between. The Nicholl, Austin Film Festival, the Sundance Screenwriting Lab (though technically not a contest per se), Big Break, and Scriptapalooza are all solid contests. Recently, the Tracking Board has also launched contests for both feature scripts and televisions scripts, and the word on that contest is great as well.

10. How can people get in touch with you to find out more about the services you provide?

I don’t do consulting anymore, but am happy to talk about screenwriting on Twitter – @RWWFilm.

11. Readers of this blog are more than familiar with my love/appreciation of pie. What’s your favorite kind?

That’s a surprisingly difficult question to answer. To eat, I don’t think it gets better than a slide of hot homemade apple pie. But I enjoy baking and, not to brag, but make a mean key lime pie. Everything from scratch. Hand squeezed lime juice, graham cracker crust, fresh-made whipped cream. The works.

Ask a Truly Superlative Script Consultant!

Terri Zinner

The latest in a series of interviews with script readers and consultants who would be worth your while to work with if you want to get your script in shape. Today’s spotlight is on writer-producer-consultant-instructor Terri Zinner of afilmwriter.com.

Terri Zinner has been in story development for over 15 years. She began as a reader for Blue Cat competition and then a reader for Gallagher Literary, who eventually promoted her to SVP of Development.

Terri is also a produced writer and Producer of independent feature films such as EL CAMINOTHE BRIDE FROM OUTER SPACE and other independent projects. Terri worked on the award-winning film MONDAY MORNING.

Terri has provided story consultation on such films as AMERICAN SNIPER, ALBERT NOBBS, KILL YOUR DARLINGS, BREAK THE STAGE, THE HOWLING: REBORN, WHAT MAISIE KNEW, THE BRASS TEAPOT, LOUDER THAN WORDS and more….

Being named as one of the top story consultants in Creative Screenwriting Magazine, Terri is a sought-out story and screenplay analyst. Terri founded the website A FILM WRITER and developed the Screenplay Reader Training. She mentors and trains a team of screenplay readers.

1. What’s the last thing you read/watched that you thought was incredibly well-written?

I had the honor of reading the script AMERICAN SNIPER. It’s one of those rare occasions when you know that this script is something special from the very first page. The script was heart pounding and riveting from the opening through the ending. The story just came to life for me, as if I were actually watching the movie. The writer, Jason Hall, earned a well-deserved nomination for a harrowing script. I’m also always in awe of TV writers, who have a special gift with words. I admit I haven’t had much time for watching TV, but DAMAGES was one of my favorite shows because I thought the writers did a terrific job of creating a complex character in Patty Hewes. She was a fascinating, morally corrupt character to watch, and I found the dialogue to be very powerful. I try to watch a variety of films, but when I watch now, I tend to pay more attention to the structure. In fact, I forced my friend to go to a horror film, EVIL DEAD, just to analyze how the structure worked.

2. How’d you get your start reading scripts?

Like most readers, I began by writing screenplays. I optioned a few, but then I was provided the opportunity to become a reader for Gallagher Literary and a reader for Gordy Hoffman’s Blue Cat competition. I found that my real skills were in deconstructing a screenplay and guiding the writer in the development of their script. I read all I could on developing screenplays, structure, and what makes for a great character. I went from a reader to Sr. VP of Development. It just became a passion that I haven’t overcome. I created my own website AFILMWRITER.COM with the idea of helping writers at an affordable rate. Through word of mouth my business began to grow and expand. I also freelance for other agencies and have produced independent films. I developed a program to help teach and mentor others on how to become an effective professional screenplay reader. I enjoy nothing more than the creative process and mentoring writers in their craft.

3. Is recognizing good writing something you think can be taught or learned?

Like writing, I think being a screenplay reader or story analyst is a craft. It requires a fundamental understanding of the rudiments of structure, plot, tension, character, dialogue, and what makes for a great story.

I actually teach a course for potential readers. It’s an intensive course and the reader is given the opportunity to practice coverage. I’ve seen my readers grow as analysts, but like anything, it requires ongoing learning and understanding the craft, being open to visionary worlds, and having a passion for the craft. It’s not about being punitive or negative, but for me it’s about finding the strengths in the writer’s script and helping the writer build upon those strengths. I do become concerned about people who claim to be professional readers, but know little about the craft. A reader has to have the ability not only to deconstruct what’s on the page, but also to be able to deconstruct what’s not on the page.

4. What are the components of a good script?

There’s so much that goes into writing a great screenplay. It’s a skill to bring those elements together. You can have a terrific idea, but executing that idea is the major challenge. Creating an original concept, or taking a tried and true concept and telling it from a new point of view is one step in crafting good script.

Understanding structure, pace, and how tension and conflict works is pivotal to the craft. Creating deep and complex characters with not only a well-identified external goal, but with inner conflict and struggle is part of writing a great character. Giving characters strong moral choices to make and defining moments can create powerful storytelling. Powerful dialogue can propel a script. Incorporating an emotional theme that’s well assimilated into the script can make for a compelling script.

A writer should be asking questions like this: Is there a ticking clock tension and sufficient tension to sustain the story? Does this tension build? Is there a relationship component to the story? Is there a satisfying ending that involves a hero/foe conflict or confrontation?

A reader knows a great script when they can visualize it as a film in their mind vs. on the page.

For me, the most significant component of a great script is that the script provides an emotional experience, in which not only does the character learn something about life, but so do I.

5. What are some of the most common mistakes you see?

Normally, it’s the lack of the writer having the ability to convey a clear and compelling story. It can be challenging to read a script and not be able to visualize what the writer is attempting to convey. I honestly want to be able to provide constructive notes, but sometimes you run into a script and you’re simply bewildered by what the script is truly about. This commonly occurs when the writer doesn’t stay on task with the goal and the script isn’t goal-focused. The hero may not be proactive. Without a strong structure it’s going to be a long, difficult read for the reader.

For new writers, certainly professional presentation is a common mistake. First impressions are important, but these elements are easily correctable. Writing “ordinary” characters or on the nose dialogue is also more typical with new writers. Some writers tend to over write. They add dialogue when dialogue isn’t necessary and they forget the power of visual storytelling.

6. What story tropes are you just tired of seeing?

I recently wrote a blogpost on this topic. Several scripts involved slacker men playing video games. Script after script, all these immature men are obsessed with video games. Some of the other common tropes for me are lines of dialogue that make me cringe. My most feared line in a script has to be: “You’ll never get away with this.” If I read a comedy, most likely in the first act the character will lose their job, get evicted, and break-up with their significant other. If the character races to the airport at the end of the script to stop the person they love from leaving, it’s not original. I have to admit I’m not fond of the script in which the world is in jeopardy of being blown up. There’s always a way of taking the tried and true, and crafting it to be more refreshing.

7. What are the 3 most important rules every writer should know?

-Learn the craft. Study structure. Understand conflict and tension.

-Understand it’s a creative process. Feedback, coverage, and rewrites are part of the process. It’s not personal.

-Be passionate about what you write.

8. Have you ever read a script that was an absolute, without-a-doubt “recommend”? If so, could you give the logline?

I have been fortunate to read some great scripts ranging from American Sniper to Killing Your Darlings to Albert Nobbs. All were recommends. I’ve read other scripts that I have given a recommend to and they are in development. On the other hand, I have given “consider” to scripts that have also been produced. I’ve watched some of films I’ve recommended and haven’t enjoyed the film as much as the script. “Rating” a script can be somewhat subjective. I’ve given recommends on scripts that others have passed on, and I’ve passed on scripts others have given considers or recommends to. The lesson for writers is that every reader is not always going to love or like your script. That’s okay. You also shouldn’t just rely on one reader. I always encourage getting coverage from more than one professional reader to get a good idea of how readers are reacting to your script. Make sure they know their craft.

9. How do you feel about screenwriting contests? Worth it or not?

There are many screenwriting contests, so I think the writer has to be selective in which ones they enter. It can be an opportunity for writers to get their name out in the community and receive feedback, but it’s also a business and can be costly. A writer has to remember that placing in a contest doesn’t necessarily mean the script will receive a consider or recommend from a professional reader. On the other hand, a great script may not place. Contests are very dependent on the reader you get.

10. How can people get in touch with you to find out more about the services you provide?

I am always open to writers or potential readers. They can contact me at afilmwriter@aol.com or visit my website afilmwriter.com

11. Readers of this blog are more than familiar with my love/appreciation of pie. What’s your favorite kind?

Cinnamon Crumble Apple Pie.