comedy

It’s all about the gradual improvement

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Progress has been slow, steady, and in all honesty, somewhat faster than expected regarding the ongoing development of the animated fantasy-comedy spec.

Having learned my lesson from getting too many sets of notes per draft in the past, this time I limited myself to 2-3 writers per draft. All of the notes, as expected, were extremely helpful.

Not at the FINAL final draft yet, but gosh is it a lot closer than it was a few months ago. Pages have been cut, characters and subplots tossed, scenes revised or combined, lots of lines and pages trimmed down to what is hopefully succinct and to-the-point writing.

Currently clocking in at a respectable 102 pages. Nice. Especially considering an earlier draft was 119(!). Better to overwrite and cut than to pad and add.

(Big shoutout to Richard Walter for his invaluable advice of “Write as if ink costs $1000 an ounce.”)

While I did achieve one goal of having a workable rewrite done by the end of 2022 – at 10pm on New Year’s Eve, I was hoping to have it contest-ready soon after that.

Not the case, but that’s okay.

I’ve since received a few more sets of notes, including some helpful and encouraging comments from somebody who does coverage for the studios. Two more rounds of polishing have been completed since then. No major or drastic changes; more like a lot of effective and beneficial editing.

At this point, I’d guess there’s probably one more polish, possibly two, to go before I start warming up the credit card and check out contest deadlines.

Well worth the wait, I’d say.

Despite the still-growing number of drafts, it’s been quite satisfying to see the script slowly come together, and the next (but not the last) finish line is in sight.

From the archives: Guilty as charged

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lardner mugshot
I did it. I’m glad I did it. And I’ll do it again. As many times as necessary.*

Got some excellent notes and pro feedback on the latest draft of the animated fantasy-comedy. Some of the suggestions involved totally cutting out some scenes I loved. It was heartbreaking to do it, but it was about what was best for the script, not the writer, so away they went.

Which leads to this classic post from yesteryear – Sept 2017, to be exact. Time has passed, but the sentiment and mindset remain the same. Enjoy.

The clock’s ticking down to the final deadline for an upcoming contest, so almost all of my energies are being directed at getting the pulp sci-fi in as tip-top shape as possible. Overall, I’d say it’s coming along nicely.

As you’d expect, there have already been some big changes made, with more than a few more on the way.

A major part of some of these changes has involved cutting material that I previously considered untouchable, or at least to do so would have constituted a crime against all that is good and wholesome.

Otherwise known as “killing one’s darlings”.

As you edit/polish/rewrite your scripts, changes will (and should) occur within the context of the story, so you have to deal with the consequences and ramifications of making those changes. And that means gettin’ rid of the stuff you love.

Did I really, really like this line of dialogue or that scene? Most definitely.

Did I cut it without a moment’s hesitation because it just didn’t work anymore? Yep.

Any regrets? Not really. Why should I? It’s all about making the script better, right?

A lot of writers won’t cut something because they hold it too close. To them, their ego takes precedence over the material. If a producer or director says something doesn’t work, and says it’ll have to be cut, what are they going to do? Say no?

It’s very rare that the final draft of a screenplay is exactly like the first draft. Changes will always be necessary, whether you want to make them or not. Much as you might hate it at the moment, make those changes. Chances are you’ll barely remember what was there before anyway.

A screenplay-in-progress is the raw material, and your job as the writer is to continuously work with it and shape it in order to get it to the final version – the one that tells your story in the best way possible.

If that means discarding something for something new, so be it. Even more so if the new something is even more effective.

*that’s no random mugshot. It’s Academy Award-winning screenwriter Ring Lardner, Jr. during the Red Scare.

Quality first and foremost

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I’d finished a draft of the animated fantasy-comedy in late November and thought “Okay! This will definitely be ready for some of the contest early bird deadlines.”

Then I started getting notes on it. Which led to subsequent rewrites.

Then more notes, then another rewrite, followed by even more notes, culminating in an inspired push to complete a significant rewrite before the clock struck twelve on New Year’s Eve.

I made it with two hours to spare.

Bonus – 8 pages shorter than the previous draft.

I had a new draft of which I was particularly proud, but was it good enough to stand a chance in the big contests?

Kinda-sorta, but a decision had to be made.

On one hand, I could still make the rapidly-approaching early bird deadlines with the script as is, or get some already-scheduled professional notes and make the necessary fixes, thereby sending it regardless of the fee.

You can probably guess which option I chose.

One set of pro notes are coming in next week, and then another set in early February, so the hope is to have a contest-ready draft by the end of February or early March. Whatever the fees are around that time, that is what I will pay.

As I recently wrote to a writing colleague: I’d rather have a quality script that could do well in a high-profile contest than save a couple of bucks.

A nice wrap-up

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2022 is starting to wind down, and the general consensus around Maximum Z HQ is:

It’s been a pretty good year.

-First and foremost, I finally managed to publish my books. Took a while to put it all together, but thanks to a heaven-sent editor/advisor, they became a reality.

Also nice is that they’ve been very positively received. And they make a great gift for any screenwriter (plug, plug).

-A lot of the year was also spent writing. I completed a few drafts of the animated fantasy-comedy spec – huge shoutout to the readers who provided some excellent notes that helped improve each draft. Hoping the end result achieves what I set out to do.

I’m also wrapping up the script for the microbudget feature. The producer who brought me onto the project really likes what I’ve come up with so far, which is always nice to hear. They’re hoping to start production in the spring, so fingers remain firmly crossed that becomes a reality.

Bonus – the producer also asked me to write a short, which I did. It’s a completed project and is already being submitted to festivals. Keeping any other details under wraps for the time being.

-Wasn’t able to make my horror-comedy short film, but I did connect with a local director who’s open to helping out. This whole “make it yourself” thing is quite a learning experience.

-Speaking of connecting, I got to meet a whole new bunch of local writers. I always enjoy that.

-I once again took part in the screenwriting track for the San Francisco Writers Conference, which included being on panels and offering advice to writers one-on-one. Had a great time with that, and I’ll get to do it again in February.

-Being part of the conference also led to doing a lecture about screenwriting for the California Writers Club, which it looks like I might get to do again sometime soon.

-Didn’t do so well on the contest front, but as evidenced in everything else I just talked about, I think I’ve done okay.

Here’s hoping for more good news and positive vibes for all of us in 2023.

Keep pushing forward, chums. I’m rootin’ for ya.

The Maximum Z Winter ’22 Script Showcase

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This blog has always been about trying to help out the screenwriting community and give others a boost whenever possible.

Letting the world know about your script seems like a pretty good boost.

This edition lists 33 feature and 15 TV spec scripts, all available for reading via the writer’s email. Something strikes your fancy and sounds like a fun read? Contact the writer and ask.

Is your script on this list and you want to let everybody know about it? Copy the url and post to your social media platforms. Go ahead and toot that horn.

Once again, a huge thanks to all the talented writers who sent in their script info. I hope you each get lots of eyes on your material, along with more than a few read requests, and all the good things those could potentially lead to…

Thanks for reading, and enjoy.

FILM

AMERICAN PRESIDENT: DEMON SLAYER

Paul Newton

Horror Comedy

Facing off against a horde of demons and the satanic cult who summoned them, a new President must find her voice in order to save the world and her soul.

Winner – Best Horror Comedy Screenplay – Oregon Horror Screams Film Festival – Fall 2022

kingawesomepaul@gmail.com

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BAH, LOVEBUG! A VALENTINE CAROL

Rebekah “RX” Score & James “Doc” Mason

Holiday (Valentine’s Day) Comedy

On the eve of ruining her niece’s wedding, a love-challenged divorce attorney must rediscover the reason for the romantic season with the whimsical guidance of the Ghosts of Valentine’s Day Past, Present, and Future!

screenRIOTer@gmail.com

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BEX URBEX

Ross Allaire

Horror

A paranoid lifestyle YouTuber and a ghost-hunter team up to investigate an abandoned factory with a dark past, but when they’re attacked by ghostly foes, they’ll need to trust each other and work together to escape with their lives.

BLAIR WITCH 2 meets FOUND FOOTAGE 3D

rossallaire@gmail.com

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B.M.O.C.

J.E. Swainston

Horror

When a misunderstood university professor meets the woman of his dreams, his life takes a dark turn that ends in horrific tragedy.

janetswainston@gmail.com

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BREAST IN SHOW

Andrea Berting

Dramedy

A young breast cancer patient helps her senior support group members learn to love their bodies again by teaching them the art of burlesque.

Top Ten Finalist – Comedy – Final Draft Big Break 2022

Top 50 – Launchpad

Best Original Comedy Screenplay – Richmond Intl Film Festival 2022

andreaberting@gmail.com

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CALYPSO

Fiona Faith Ross

Fantasy, Thriller

Traveling to ‘the old country’ to find her only remaining family, a bereaved young American woman is forced to choose life or death when learning her aunt is a goddess needing a younger host to survive.

Winner – Best Script, Pinnacle Script Awards (LA) 2021

fionafaithross@gmail.com

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CUSSING, FUSSING, FIGHTING AND KILLING

Anthony Moore

Drama

An ambitious software engineer tries to start a business only to have his life ruined when his scheming aunt turns his own wife against him.

Award Winner – Andromeda Film Festival 2022

Quarterfinalist – Wiki! The World’s Fastest Screenplay Contest 2022

techrat@live.com

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DRAGON CREME BRULEE

Katie Haskins

Fantasy

When a failure of a fire mage discovers a lost journal, it sets him on a path at odds with history, his world, and the woman he loves.

Quarterfinalist – Finish Line Script Competition 2022

katie.haskins@gmail.com

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DUEL REALITY

Gerasimos Rozis & Cypher Robinson

Sci-Fi/Action

When she discovers that her VR program to treat PTSD has been hijacked, an obsessed programmer enters the VR world to stop a ruthless military contractor from using it to build the perfect soldier.

cyphers.bridge@gmail.com

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ELLA

Michael Dean

Crime/Thriller

To escape her unhappy life in Oakland, a teenager embarks on a dangerous odyssey that sees her confront drug dealers and human traffickers as she seeks a new place to call home.

Top 1% – Coverfly Thriller, All-Time Top 20

Semifinalist – Austin Film Festival 2022

Semifinalist – Vail Film Festival 2022

Finalist – Bigfoot Script Challenge 2022

Semifinalist – WeScreenplay Feature Screenwriting Lab 2022

dirtydovecreative@gmail.com

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FALLING FROM THE SKY

Robert Rhyne

Thriller, Crime

After a troubled Texas teenager is convicted of lying to the police for claiming that he saw an astronaut fall from the Columbia Space Shuttle explosion, he witnesses a murder, but no one will believe him – except the killer.

Finalist – PAGE International Screenwriting Awards 2022

Finalist – StoryPros 2020

Second Rounder – Austin Film Festival 2020

Top 10% – Nicholl Fellowship in Screenwriting 2020

randprhyne@aol.com

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FAMILY

Cythina Ros McClendon

Drama

When her husband puts their family farm up for sale, his wife must reunite their far-flung family in order to save it.

CRMcFL@aol.com

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FUNERAL FOR A FRIEND

Brian Mulligan

Dramedy/Coming-of-Age

A strong-willed teen and her guilt-ridden brother battle grief and each other after the accidental death of their closest friend changes their lives forever.

‘Stand by Me’ meets ‘The Fault in Our Stars.’

Semifinalist – ScreenCraft Screenwriting Fellowship 

Quarterfinalist – Shore Scripts Feature Contest 

Finalist – Set in Philadelphia 

Second Rounder – Austin Film Festival 

bmull863@gmail.com

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HOPE CALLING

Ina Williams

Holiday, Romance, Family

When a harsh anonymous blog goes viral about a small town in Georgia called Hope, a grieving journalist travels there and gets more than a story when he meets an artist who calls the town, home.

Quarterfinalist – Final Draft Big Break 2022

ina.onyx@gmail.com

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LIVE-STREAM

Ramsey Patrick Anderson

Thriller

When a long-haul truck driver learns he’s driving a series of Fight-To-The-Death, live-streamed matches in his trailer, he must risk his life to stop it.

djgameshow@yahoo.com

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MADRE OSO (MOTHER BEAR)

J.R. Blomberg

Action Crime Drama

A single Latina mother, desperate to afford the medication her son urgently needs, unknowingly traffics young women across the border for a Cartel funded trucking company… for her children’s sake, she better deliver.

jrblomberg75@gmail.com

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ONE HIT WONDERLAND

Jack Caswell

Comedy, Action, Adventure

Sick of reading the same bedtime story to his son, a weary father wishes death upon the title character only to wake up in the story-book world and discover his only way home is to carry out the hit.

2nd Rounder – Austin Film Festival 2022

Runner-up/2nd overall – Byron Bay International Film Festival 

Semifinalist – Filmmatic Comedy Screenplay Awards – Season 7 (2022)

Quarterfinalist – Screencraft Comedy Competition 2022

Top 1% – WeScreenplay Recommend

jackcaswell84@gmail.com

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ORSON & BUDDY

Bill Kelly, Jr.

Dramatic Comedy

Dying celebrity impersonator Orson Welles must make peace with best friend and fellow impersonator Buddy Holly before Buddy’s new girlfriend stops them from finishing their sequel to Citizen Kane.

kellyjrbill@gmail.com

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REASONABLE SUSPICION

Joel McElvaney

Comedy/Thriller

Ready to leave her corporate-lawyer husband over suspicions of infidelity, a legal aid attorney must instead go on the run with him when his millionaire client sends a hitman to kill them both.

REAR WINDOW meets MIDNIGHT RUN

Quarterfinalist – StoryPros 2022

jdmcelvaney@gmail.com

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RECIPE FOR HATE

Brent Rouleau

Mystery/Thriller

Facing police indifference and anti-punk hysteria after his two friends are brutally murdered, a punk rock zine writer becomes the next target when he enters the dark world of neo-Nazi extremism to find the killers and end the bloodshed.

leafswinin05@yahoo.ca

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SKITCHING

Thomas R. Schrack

Coming of age adventure

When his ride to a skateboard competition bails on him, a penniless teen has 90 minutes to scratch together $300 for another ride or get stuck in the city he desperately wants to leave, forever.

MID 90s meets DOPE.

thomas.r.schrack@gmail.com

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TEN TEXAN OUTLAWS

Ian Jeffrey Martin

Neo Western with a supernatural twist

Forced to repay a debt to a ruthless gangster, a heist crew seeks out an ancient treasure, but discovers the long-dead gang of outlaws it belonged to refuse to give it up without a fight.

Top 50 – Roadmap Writers Jumpstart Features 2022

Semifinalist – Screencraft Action & Adventure

Top 10% – Coverfly – All projects

Top 16% – Coverfly – Westerns

ian@ianmartinscreenwriter.com

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THE BOCA SHUFFLE

Tod Klinger

Dramedy

A restless man stuck in assisted living convinces his millennial van driver to take him and his motley crew on a cross-country road trip to reunite with “the one who got away.” 

8 – The Black List

Quarterfinalist – TSL Free Script Competition 2021

klingertod@gmail.com

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THE CROOKED CROSS

Wendy Appelbaum and Alanna Lewis

Thriller

Tormented by the loss of her parents to the Nazis, a Jewish author expiates her resolved grief by tracking down surviving Nazis who have secretly emigrated to the west.

Quarterfinalist – Screencraft Action & Thriller 2014

Quarterfinalist – Script2Comic 2022

wappel_80@hotmail.com

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THE DARK BELOW

Brian Fitzpatrick

Sci-FI/Horror

Ruthless mercenaries, fanatical cultists, and celestial horrors won’t stand in the way of an all-girl urban explorer team hell bent on rescuing a little girl from the grip of a shadowy monster in a secretive lab.

brianfitzauthor@gmail.com

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THE DYBBUK OF WILLIAMSBURG

Max Kinchen

Horror

When her groom is possessed by a vengeful disembodied spirit on their wedding night, a young bride must challenge the notions of her own faith and her place in the Ultra-Orthodox Jewish community in a race to set him free.

Second Rounder – Austin Film Festival 2022

Official Selection – HorrOrigins Film Festival 2022

Recommended – The Script Lab (coverage)

max.kinchen@gmail.com

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THE GRAND JURY

Suzanne Lutas

Sci-Fi/Thriller, Short Film

A small random group gets a chance at an interview for a sought-after position and must endure a long wait in a room where the test truly begins.

Winner – Best Short Screenplay – Arrow International Film Festival 2022

Semi-finalist – Wiki Screenplay Contest – January 2022

Semi-finalist – Reelheart International TV Pilot & Screenplay Competition 2018

suzannebl@mail.pf

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THE HALF LIFE OF HARRY FIGG

Mark Wesley

Sci-Fi/Comedy/Drama

A troubled street kid’s life is turned around when he comes to the aid of a reclusive scientist whose fusion experiment is targeted by industrial spies.

Semifinalist – Los Angeles International Screenplay Awards

Quarterfinalist – Stage 32 Sci-Fi and Fantasy

Quarterfinalist – New York City International Screenplay Awards

Quarterfinalist – Chicago International Screenplay Awards

markwesley13@gmail.com

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THE LAST EARTH STATION

Kathryn Radmall

Sci-Fi

When a long forgotten colony ship reappears on the far side of the galaxy, explorers are sent to discover what happened to it, and why the vessel’s enigmatic commander insists it can never return to Earth.

Winner – Bridge Fest, Vancouver

Nominee – Hybrid Genre, ‘The Red List’, Toronto

Winner – Los Angeles Motion Picture Festival

Winner – H.G. Wells Award, LA Sci-Fi Film Festival

Nominee – Hamilton Film Festival, Canadian Film Market

kathryn.radmall@icloud.com

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THE MERC

Scott Sawitz

Action thriller

After reinventing himself as a badass security specialist, an everyday schlub must become the badass he’s pretended to be in order to prevent his secret double life from being exposed.

Formerly under option – Pause ‘n’ Rewind Studio

SJSawitz@yahoo.com

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THE VACATION CLAUSE

Mere Walton

Holiday/Comedy/Drama

When Santa Claus disappears at the most important time of the year, a recently deceased grandfather and new elf-in-training, must recruit his grieving granddaughter to help him save Christmas in order to convince her there’s joy in her life that’s yet to be discovered.

mwaltonwrites@gmail.com

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WE GOT THE BEAT

Eric Vardeman

Coming Of Age

It’s the summer of ’83 and five fun loving best friends are out to have the time of their lives after a stroke of luck comes their way but discover that luck brings them more than they bargained for.

evardeman@gmail.com

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WELCOME TO GARYTOWN

Seth Nelson

Comedy

When a popular podcaster discovers a small-town taxidermist is his job-hopping childhood friend in disguise, he must decide whether to go along with the prank or reveal his identity in an effort to boost his own career.

Best of the Fest – Die Laughing Film Festival 2022

Best Comedy Screenplay – 4Theatre Film Fest 2022

Semifinalist – Mad Wife Productions Fellowship 2022

Semifinalist – Krimson Horizon International Film Festival 2022

Best Comedy Screenplay – New Age Cinemas & Scripts 2022

snelson1076@me.com

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TV

A FAMILY

Cid Weinberg

Drama/Family

An LGBTQ+ California family must navigate everyday life, teen angst, and overcome heartache after the sudden death of their patriarch.

Quarterfinalist – Screencraft Family 2022

Quarterfinalist – Screenwriter’s Network Competition Goldman Award 2021

Finalist – Dallas International Film Festival 2021

Top 10 (2x) – Coverfly 2022

cidbanayatweinberg@gmail.com

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ALIVE: A FRANKENSTEIN REIMAGINING

Aimee Dansereau

Sci-Fi/Horror

In this modern day reimagining of Frankenstein, the unhinged Dr. Victoria Frankenstein brings Mary to life, and forces her to kill people for scientific experimentation, but as Mary evolves into an ethical person, it’s up to her to stop her evil creator.

Semifinalist – Screencraft Screenwriting Fellowship 2021

Finalist – Big Apple Film Festival Screenwriting Competition – Fall 2021

Quarterfinalist – Screencraft Horror 2022

Semifinalist – Filmmatic Drama Screenplay Awards – Season 7

Quarterfinalist – Filmatic Horror Screenplay Awards – Season 6

adansereau8@gmail.com

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ALTER/EGO

Tyler Clair Smith

Sci-Fi

When the world’s most despised billionaire is revealed to be a beloved hero, he must scramble to save his company while preserving his legacy as a hero.

tclairsmith@gmail.com

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CANDY IS AWESOME

Steve Kimura

Action/Comedy

A group of CIA operatives use their cover as a pop band to save the world and discover that the music biz can be as treacherous as the bad guys they encounter.

stevekimura@me.com

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CRACKED

Zac Lucas

Native American detective, mystery series

Still guilty over his three-year-old daughter’s untimely death, a Lakota Aspie detective fights skeptical and hostile colleagues, to prove his visionary skills matter when (re)solving mysterious cases.

kiwee@y7mail.com

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HAWKWOOD

Karen E. Simmons

Light comedy/murder-mystery

Former Scotland Yard Inspector John Hawkwood is trying to redeem himself from his dark past by working as a private detective in an idyllic Cotswolds village in 1956 England, surrounded by a cast of equally quirky & unconventional characters.

Semi-finalist – Santa Barbara International Screenplay Awards, 2022

ksimmons511@yahoo.com

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IN THE SHADOWS

A.J. Retelle

Drama, Mystery, Horror

Van Helsing Institute agents investigate a vampire murder that could set off a war between rival clans.

ajretelle85@gmail.com

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JENKINS AND WATTS: PARANORMAL ATTORNEYS AT LAW

Michael P. Brennan

Comedy/Horror

In a world where ghosts exist and have rights, Jenkins and Watts defend them against overzealous law enforcement, organized crime, and literal demons from hell…for fair market price.

Semifinalist – Screencraft Comedy 2022

Semifinalist – The Golden Script Competition 2022

Recommended – Shore Scripts coverage

Top 4% overall, top 3% genre – Coverfly

mbrenn3@gmail.com

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KNEAD THE DOUGH

Brett Joyce

Half-hour comedy

A corporate salesman attempts to understand why he left his pizza chef job for the woman that just rejected his proposal in Hawaii as he finds solace in a pizza truck, The Dough Mobile. While he thought he needed dough to solve his life problems, what really needs to solve them is that he has to knead the dough.

2nd Rounder – Austin Film Festival 2022

realbrettjoyce@gmail.com

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LIFER GUARDS

Lisa Lutes

Half-hour comedy

Unable to find anything better, a group of millennial lifeguards remain stuck in their high school jobs at a community pool.

lmluey@gmail.com

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RESTLESS SOULS

Victoria Thomas

Dark Comedy with Horror/Fantasy elements

Two brothers’ loyalties are put to the test as they run from their guilt, but not all blood can be washed away.

8.9/10 – Coverfly (project in top 4% for analyst)

vikkisumner1@gmail.com

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SMALL TOWN COUNTRY (GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME SETH)

David Crosman

Half-hour sitcom

The leader of a new and small nation must figure out healthcare or lose citizens. Two low-level officials woo a dignitary in the hopes of getting a cushy job.

2nd Rounder – Austin Film Festival 2022

Consider – Coverage Ink 2022

davidcrosmanwa@gmail.com

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SOUTHSIDE SHUFFLE

Dave Goossen

Drama

A disgraced musician returns home with hopes of reopening a club but gets caught up in deceit and the dangerous criminal underbelly of a picture-perfect tourist town.

davegoossen@gmail.com

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THE PENITENT

Sheila Cavanaugh Dionne

Drama

A recently deceased girl and her accidental killer team up with an angel to save their respective families from looming disasters.

sheila@fortunamajor.tv

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TOUCH OF DARKNESS

James Welday

Film noir, sci-fi, mystery

When re-emerging memories of a life he never lived begin plaguing an unassuming salesman, his reality takes a nightmarish turn.

jameswelday1@yahoo.com

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