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Laurie Ashbourne

The latest in a series of interviews with script readers and consultants who would be worth your while to work with if you want to get your script in shape. Today’s spotlight is on writer-producer-consultant Laurie Ashbourne.

After seeing Who Framed Roger Rabbit in an old theater in Philly, Laurie knew that she had to be a part of that process.  Within 6 months she was in Disney Feature Animation‘s new studio in Florida working on a Roger Rabbit short and The Little Mermaid, and stayed on through the production of Lilo and Stitch. Leaving that cocoon to create and own her work, she quickly segued to live action and documentaries as a writer, producer and script supervisor.

With four features she wrote as work-for-hires in production, a dozen ghost- writing films and pilots in development, an independent animated feature in pre- production, an original story she wrote (10-31) was recently announced on the fast-track to production with acclaimed producers Eli Roth and Roger Birnbaum and a bio-pic she wrote is in early stages with Bohemia Group Originals.

Laurie is also longstanding story analyst for the likes of Amazon Studios Feature Films and Austin Film Festival.
In addition, she oversees several projects in development via her company, LA Story Studio. Her documentary work continues as well, as a producer for iconic director Robert Greenwald’s Brave New Films banner where she just co-
produced, SUPPRESSED – the fight to vote (2020), and RACIALLY CHARGED (2021), featuring two-time Oscar winner, Mahershala Ali.

1. What’s the last thing you read/watched that you thought was incredibly well-written?

I recently read a screenplay for a competition that was amazing. It was so well-paced and had such a perfect economy of words, twists and great characters – I wish I could share it with you, but I have no doubt that sooner than later everyone will have a chance to see it on screen.

For watching, the film LITTLE BOY. About 4 years ago the casting director asked my son to read for the part, so I was sent the script. It was such an emotional story that read really well, even though it broke some traditional pet peeves of mine, I completely overlooked them because I was so engrossed in the story. My son ended up sending in a video read because I was on a job in Virginia AND he had just lost his 2 front teeth so we knew the read wouldn’t go over at its best. Regardless, we went to see it (and I have to say the boy they had for the lead did a great job). I immediately could see where they had to change some things but it mostly stayed true to the script. I enjoyed the film and it was completely emotional, but I could definitely see how it read better than it played.

2. How’d you get your start reading scripts?

My first job in the industry was with Walt Disney Feature Animation, and as a department head I was in on a project from development through to final reels. But I didn’t start reading them professionally until I left the company to work in independent film, over ten years ago.

3. Is recognizing good writing something you think can be taught or learned?

The tenements of the craft can be taught easily but if a sense of story isn’t there then those ‘guidelines’ become hard and fast rules that can overlook a good story and what it needs to be brought up to industry standards. Learning story is possible, but it’s not for everyone, those that it is for can’t let it go. I’ll use my son as an example again. He will watch a movie until he knows it by heart and then pick apart the structure and characters, all by his own will. He said to me the other day, “When a movie does well, they automatically make a number two, and they do it quickly, and when that doesn’t do well they spend more time working out number three. Number twos always stink.” He’s 10, so I think it’s safe to say that a sense of story is ingrained in his psyche with no teaching other than immersing himself in something he enjoys.

4. What are the components of a good script?

Characters with an emotional want that comes across as genuine – in this case it’s the difference between a homeless person holding up a sign that says “will work for food” and one that holds up a sign that says “hungry, broke please give”. The audience is much more likely to attach themselves to a character who is willing to do what it takes to survive – the character that is willing to work for his food.

Craft contains a lot of things that get a bad name as hard and fast rules, and it’s true that if you are trying to break in you have to look like you are willing to adhere to industry standards, truth is your craft demonstrates mastery of cinematic story SOME formatting issues can be overlooked. So at the top of the mastery of cinematic language is, giving the actors something interesting to do that advances the plot and peels back the layers of their character. This does not mean writing verbose prose; that is not cinematic. Cinematic is thinking like a director in your mind, but conveying that action in words that do not include camera direction.

5. What are some of the most common mistakes you see?

-Misuse and abuse of parentheticals and exclamation points

-Typos and poor formatting

-A misunderstanding of scene headings in content and purpose

-A great idea poorly executed, usually in character and pacing

-A poor balance of dialogue and action (which is usually because of way too much dialogue)

6. What story tropes are you just tired of seeing?

It seems to be cyclical; every year there is more of one than another, so I guess that falls into chasing trends. Right now, there seems to be a lot of smaller character pieces, which is good for independent film, but with specs that are trying to break in (rather than going out and producing the indie on your own), it’s really difficult to get behind a moody character wandering the town or country instead of facing an uncomfortable truth. So it goes back to the homeless analogy – why do I care about this person, and please make it interesting without a having a diary in voiceover.

I admit it’s a bit of a catch-22, it’s also very difficult for an unknown to break in with a tentpole, but there is a happy medium where there are just enough elements to give the audience and producers something worth the investment of time and money.

7. What are the 3 most important rules every writer should know?

-Your material will not resonate with everyone, but if it’s not resonating with anyone, it’s time to analyze those notes you thought were shit.

-Write because you have to get a story out of your system, not because you want to strike it rich or win a contest.

-Let the audience (or reader) get to know your character through the action we see them take on screen, not via a laundry list of their traits.

8. Have you ever read a script that was an absolute, without-a-doubt “recommend”? If so, could you give the logline?

Sure. I’ve had the pleasurable honor to move a lot of scripts forward and nothing makes me happier than to see writers I worked with or read be working in the industry. Frankly, most scripts that come to me don’t have a logline, and I craft one for the coverage – most contest scripts don’t come with loglines. Loglines when done well are a craft unto themselves and contests are won on these concepts, but a great logline does not make a great script. This goes back to one of my top three: Most great ideas fall short on execution and again, I really think that comes down to sense of story. I personally write a logline before (during and after) I write a script. Writing it out at the start helps shape your outline. But just as the outline will change as you write, the logline should too, by becoming tighter.

I recently read a logline on LA Screenwriter called The Muffin Men – it was really brilliant. But who knows if the script is?

9. How do you feel about screenwriting contests? Worth it or not?

Yes, but do your homework. There are more scams than legitimate career changers. It’s worth it to get your script in top-level shape and submit to the top-tier contests (which there are less than 10) the odds are tougher due to the number of submissions but if you seriously want to advance your career, there’s no use in wasting money on the Podunk USA’s screenplay competition.

10. How can people get in touch with you to find out more about the services you provide?

My company at LA Story Studio, my blog 1st 10 pages, or via Stage 32 – https://www.stage32.com/LAstory.

11. Readers of this blog are more than familiar with my love/appreciation of pie. What’s your favorite kind?

I’m not much for desserts, but I like apple if it’s fresh and not overly gooey, or key lime. When I was a kid I was all about Tastykake cherry pie.

The name’s Piphany. E. Piphany

Maximum Z comedy, determination, dialogue, film noir, ideas, inspiration, jokes, Laura, perseverance, rewrite, scenes, screenwriting, script, spec, writing
If it weren't for that whole possible electrocution thing, I'd write in the tub too.
If it weren’t for that whole possible electrocution thing, I’d write in the tub too.

Progress on the first draft of the low-budget comedy spec has been slow but steady; averaging about 2-3 pages a day. It’s a smart move to accept the fact that the first draft of anything you write is going to suck, because it always does. And this one’s no different. Several cogs within this machine in drastic need of retooling have been identified.

So there I am, working on a scene, having the ongoing internal discussion of “Is this the funniest way to do this bit?” The scene as originally conceived is pretty straightforward, but the comedy part still needs something. A line of dialogue just won’t cut it. While I’m quite adept at witty conversation in person, putting it on the page is an entirely different animal.

Overall, it felt like things were slowing down and becoming tougher to work through.

No matter how hard you look, sometimes you can’t find the answer you seek because you don’t realize it’s just staring you in the face.

There was a scene much earlier in the script where, for no reason in particular, I used a joke of a particular nature just for the hell of it. Some might consider it a dumb joke, but I’m still in first draft mode, so it might not stick around for very long.

But there was something about it that really stuck with me. I thought it was pretty funny, and the more I thought about it, the more it seemed like exactly something I would come up with.

And there it was. The floodgates had opened, and my much-needed solution came gushing forth. These jokes would work perfectly throughout the whole thing.

Added bonus – it’s the kind of comedy I’ve known and loved my entire life. I’d been trying to write this in a way or style that’s not exactly me, whereas this rediscovered approach is practically spot-on. Coming up with these kinds of jokes is almost second nature. Hopefully I can successfully transition them onto the page.

But now I was presented with a new problem: stop here (around pg 48) and start over, or hammer my way forward?

Tempting as it was to start over, I’m opting to keep going forward (and start implementing the new jokes), mostly so I can just get this draft finished. The sooner I get to the end, the sooner I can start on the rewrite.

As I said, progress continues to be slow and steady, but it’s still progress.

-One week to the Great American Pitch Fest, so you still have time to register. Use code MaximumZ20 at checkout for a whopping 20 percent off!

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Terri Zinner

The latest in a series of interviews with script readers and consultants who would be worth your while to work with if you want to get your script in shape. Today’s spotlight is on writer-producer-consultant-instructor Terri Zinner of afilmwriter.com.

Terri Zinner has been in story development for over 15 years. She began as a reader for Blue Cat competition and then a reader for Gallagher Literary, who eventually promoted her to SVP of Development.

Terri is also a produced writer and Producer of independent feature films such as EL CAMINO, THE BRIDE FROM OUTER SPACE and other independent projects. Terri worked on the award-winning film MONDAY MORNING.

Terri has provided story consultation on such films as AMERICAN SNIPER, ALBERT NOBBS, KILL YOUR DARLINGS, BREAK THE STAGE, THE HOWLING: REBORN, WHAT MAISIE KNEW, THE BRASS TEAPOT, LOUDER THAN WORDS and more….

Being named as one of the top story consultants in Creative Screenwriting Magazine, Terri is a sought-out story and screenplay analyst. Terri founded the website A FILM WRITER and developed the Screenplay Reader Training. She mentors and trains a team of screenplay readers.

1. What’s the last thing you read/watched that you thought was incredibly well-written?

I had the honor of reading the script AMERICAN SNIPER. It’s one of those rare occasions when you know that this script is something special from the very first page. The script was heart pounding and riveting from the opening through the ending. The story just came to life for me, as if I were actually watching the movie. The writer, Jason Hall, earned a well-deserved nomination for a harrowing script. I’m also always in awe of TV writers, who have a special gift with words. I admit I haven’t had much time for watching TV, but DAMAGES was one of my favorite shows because I thought the writers did a terrific job of creating a complex character in Patty Hewes. She was a fascinating, morally corrupt character to watch, and I found the dialogue to be very powerful. I try to watch a variety of films, but when I watch now, I tend to pay more attention to the structure. In fact, I forced my friend to go to a horror film, EVIL DEAD, just to analyze how the structure worked.

2. How’d you get your start reading scripts?

Like most readers, I began by writing screenplays. I optioned a few, but then I was provided the opportunity to become a reader for Gallagher Literary and a reader for Gordy Hoffman’s Blue Cat competition. I found that my real skills were in deconstructing a screenplay and guiding the writer in the development of their script. I read all I could on developing screenplays, structure, and what makes for a great character. I went from a reader to Sr. VP of Development. It just became a passion that I haven’t overcome. I created my own website AFILMWRITER.COM with the idea of helping writers at an affordable rate. Through word of mouth my business began to grow and expand. I also freelance for other agencies and have produced independent films. I developed a program to help teach and mentor others on how to become an effective professional screenplay reader. I enjoy nothing more than the creative process and mentoring writers in their craft.

3. Is recognizing good writing something you think can be taught or learned?

Like writing, I think being a screenplay reader or story analyst is a craft. It requires a fundamental understanding of the rudiments of structure, plot, tension, character, dialogue, and what makes for a great story.

I actually teach a course for potential readers. It’s an intensive course and the reader is given the opportunity to practice coverage. I’ve seen my readers grow as analysts, but like anything, it requires ongoing learning and understanding the craft, being open to visionary worlds, and having a passion for the craft. It’s not about being punitive or negative, but for me it’s about finding the strengths in the writer’s script and helping the writer build upon those strengths. I do become concerned about people who claim to be professional readers, but know little about the craft. A reader has to have the ability not only to deconstruct what’s on the page, but also to be able to deconstruct what’s not on the page.

4. What are the components of a good script?

There’s so much that goes into writing a great screenplay. It’s a skill to bring those elements together. You can have a terrific idea, but executing that idea is the major challenge. Creating an original concept, or taking a tried and true concept and telling it from a new point of view is one step in crafting good script.

Understanding structure, pace, and how tension and conflict works is pivotal to the craft. Creating deep and complex characters with not only a well-identified external goal, but with inner conflict and struggle is part of writing a great character. Giving characters strong moral choices to make and defining moments can create powerful storytelling. Powerful dialogue can propel a script. Incorporating an emotional theme that’s well assimilated into the script can make for a compelling script.

A writer should be asking questions like this: Is there a ticking clock tension and sufficient tension to sustain the story? Does this tension build? Is there a relationship component to the story? Is there a satisfying ending that involves a hero/foe conflict or confrontation?

A reader knows a great script when they can visualize it as a film in their mind vs. on the page.

For me, the most significant component of a great script is that the script provides an emotional experience, in which not only does the character learn something about life, but so do I.

5. What are some of the most common mistakes you see?

Normally, it’s the lack of the writer having the ability to convey a clear and compelling story. It can be challenging to read a script and not be able to visualize what the writer is attempting to convey. I honestly want to be able to provide constructive notes, but sometimes you run into a script and you’re simply bewildered by what the script is truly about. This commonly occurs when the writer doesn’t stay on task with the goal and the script isn’t goal-focused. The hero may not be proactive. Without a strong structure it’s going to be a long, difficult read for the reader.

For new writers, certainly professional presentation is a common mistake. First impressions are important, but these elements are easily correctable. Writing “ordinary” characters or on the nose dialogue is also more typical with new writers. Some writers tend to over write. They add dialogue when dialogue isn’t necessary and they forget the power of visual storytelling.

6. What story tropes are you just tired of seeing?

I recently wrote a blogpost on this topic. Several scripts involved slacker men playing video games. Script after script, all these immature men are obsessed with video games. Some of the other common tropes for me are lines of dialogue that make me cringe. My most feared line in a script has to be: “You’ll never get away with this.” If I read a comedy, most likely in the first act the character will lose their job, get evicted, and break-up with their significant other. If the character races to the airport at the end of the script to stop the person they love from leaving, it’s not original. I have to admit I’m not fond of the script in which the world is in jeopardy of being blown up. There’s always a way of taking the tried and true, and crafting it to be more refreshing.

7. What are the 3 most important rules every writer should know?

-Learn the craft. Study structure. Understand conflict and tension.

-Understand it’s a creative process. Feedback, coverage, and rewrites are part of the process. It’s not personal.

-Be passionate about what you write.

8. Have you ever read a script that was an absolute, without-a-doubt “recommend”? If so, could you give the logline?

I have been fortunate to read some great scripts ranging from American Sniper to Killing Your Darlings to Albert Nobbs. All were recommends. I’ve read other scripts that I have given a recommend to and they are in development. On the other hand, I have given “consider” to scripts that have also been produced. I’ve watched some of films I’ve recommended and haven’t enjoyed the film as much as the script. “Rating” a script can be somewhat subjective. I’ve given recommends on scripts that others have passed on, and I’ve passed on scripts others have given considers or recommends to. The lesson for writers is that every reader is not always going to love or like your script. That’s okay. You also shouldn’t just rely on one reader. I always encourage getting coverage from more than one professional reader to get a good idea of how readers are reacting to your script. Make sure they know their craft.

9. How do you feel about screenwriting contests? Worth it or not?

There are many screenwriting contests, so I think the writer has to be selective in which ones they enter. It can be an opportunity for writers to get their name out in the community and receive feedback, but it’s also a business and can be costly. A writer has to remember that placing in a contest doesn’t necessarily mean the script will receive a consider or recommend from a professional reader. On the other hand, a great script may not place. Contests are very dependent on the reader you get.

10. How can people get in touch with you to find out more about the services you provide?

I am always open to writers or potential readers. They can contact me at afilmwriter@aol.com or visit my website afilmwriter.com

11. Readers of this blog are more than familiar with my love/appreciation of pie. What’s your favorite kind?

Cinnamon Crumble Apple Pie.

Ask a Chock-full-of-Moxie-and-Gumption Script Consultant!

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Amanda Nelligan

The latest in a series of interviews with script readers and consultants who would be worth your while to work with if you want to get your script in shape. Today’s spotlight is on Amanda Nelligan, aka Scriptgal.

Amanda was born and raised in Western Massachusetts. She attended Brown University and received a Bachelor of Science degree in biochemistry. While at Brown, Amanda became involved with the Brown film society and its weekly comedic film magazine – The Film Bulletin – which cemented her life-long love of movies. After working briefly at a medical research lab, Amanda moved to Los Angeles and embarked on her film career. Her first job was as an assistant to a literary agent. From there, she worked at Disney, then ran development for a number of production companies. Amanda went back to grad school in psychology and worked as a therapist and as a research project manager at UCLA before launching ScriptGal. Amanda enjoys baking, hiking and scuba diving and lives with her husband in Sherman Oaks, CA.

1. What’s the last thing you read/watched that you thought was incredibly well-written?

I can’t pick just one – different movies are great for different reasons. I really enjoyed NIGHTCRAWLER – whip-smart dialogue and a character I’ve never seen before. It also had a resolution that defied convention. EDGE OF TOMORROW is a meticulously plotted, fun, time-bending action film, which is so hard to do right. And WHIPLASH didn’t miss a beat (pardon the pun.) In terms of television, TRANSPARENT was terrific. JUSTIFIED and THE AMERICANS are two incredibly well-written series I never miss.

2. How’d you get your start reading scripts?

I moved to Los Angeles shortly after college. My first industry job was for a boutique literary agent who had an A-list roster, so my introduction to Hollywood was through writers. After that, I worked as a development exec – meaning my job was to find scripts and to work with the writers to develop those projects into viable features and television shows. I worked as a creative executive at Disney, then ran development for two production companies. I didn’t like all the politics/crap in the movie business, so I left and went to grad school and worked in another field for a while. But movies are my passion and I love working with writers, so ScriptGal started as an experiment, in a way, and three plus years later. here I am.

3. Is recognizing good writing something you think can be taught or learned?

I think recognizing good writing is a matter of natural instinct, which not everyone has, plus a lot of practice – a.k.a. reading. And reading everything – not just screenplays. Novels, essays, short stories, etc. As a script reader, you need to understand what makes a good story. I think a rule of thumb is that when you forget you’re reading, you know the writing is good – good writing transports you.

4. What are the components of a good script?

A compelling protagonist or anti-hero and a worthy antagonist. We should be able to relate to the protagonist in some way. The antagonist can be a classic villain, a disease, a monster or even the weather. But no matter what the story is, it’s essential that we care what happens. Also, a good script needs to make you feel something. Joy, sadness, fear… Bottom line, the script needs to tell a good story. It can be written in crayon and have a million typos, but if the story is compelling it will shine through.

5. What are some of the most common mistakes you see?

Too much description. It’s a real skill to write just enough to give you sense of what the audience will be seeing and hearing on screen. If the color of someone’s dress isn’t essential to the story, don’t include it. Another related mistake is describing things that would be impossible for an audience to know. Stuff like a character’s face shows the pain of the loss of his wife two years earlier. That’s cheating – essential information needs to be revealed the way the audience would discover it on screen.   Another mistake is not having enough conflict – which results in the story not being as dramatic as it needs to be.

A lot of people are hung up on so-called screenwriting “rules” — don’t use “we see” or any camera directions, etc. I think a) those rules aren’t true – good produced scripts do use them and b) no one working in the industry today cares about those rules one bit. Or even thinks about them. Bottom line – people want good stories.

6. What story tropes are you just tired of seeing?

I just read a script where a guy gets fired and comes home early to find his wife cheating on him. I’ve seen that a million times – so to me it signals a lack of imagination. I think a trope is fine if it is the best thing for your story – but you should always try to put some sort of fresh spin on it. Also, audiences love when a trope is turned on its ear – the best example is the fight scene in RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK – when instead of getting into the expected hand-to-hand battle, Harrison Ford shoots the bad guy. So when writers find themselves contemplating a trope, they should always ask themselves whether or not they can surprise the audience instead.

7. What are the 3 most important rules every writer should know?

-Writers write. You have to be in this for the long haul. If a script doesn’t work or sell, move on to the next. No successful writer I know parachuted in with the coolest script ever and then sailed on to fame and fortune. The best of the best have a lot of failed scripts in their filing cabinets. Or, these days, in the cloud. This business is a grind.

-Writers rewrite. You need to be able to make changes to your initial drafts and ideas – you need to be able to “kill your darlings,” meaning abandoning things you may love in furtherance of the story. Also, this is a collaborative business – everyone who reads your script will have notes. That doesn’t mean every note will be a good note, but it’s your job to recognize the good ones when they come along and manage the bad ones.

-“Take Fountain.” – Bette Davis. Okay, the real rule is outline. Outline like crazy – especially right after the idea comes to you. A lot of newer writers seem to get bored with their own ideas after awhile and make changes that are destructive. You need to lock in the story that got you excited in the first place and don’t doubt that it will excite readers/viewers as well.

8. Have you ever read a script that was an absolute, without-a-doubt “recommend”? If so, could you give the logline?

No. To me “Recommend” means go shoot it, as is, tomorrow. I never say never, but I could probably write notes on every successful movie out there. The rewriting stops after the scene is shot. Actually, that’s not even true. A lot of rewriting happens in the editing room. For people who love the show THE AMERICANS, and even those who don’t, I highly recommend the Slate-produced TV Insider podcast about the show. It’s a conversation between the story editor and various writers on the show, often including the showrunners. They are rewriting until the last second.

9. How do you feel about screenwriting contests? Worth it or not?

I think a select few are meaningful to industry execs – The Nicholl Fellowship, Austin Film Festival, and UCLA’s Samuel Goldwyn. I think the others may help a writer’s self-esteem, but I’m not sure how many actual doors they open in Hollywood.

10. How can people get in touch with you to find out more about the services you provide?

They can email me at Amanda@ScriptGal.com and check out my website www.scriptgal.com.

11. Readers of this blog are more than familiar with my love/appreciation of pie. What’s your favorite kind?

I love ALL pie – much better than cake, in my book – but if I have to pick one it’s strawberry rhubarb. The contrast between sweet and sour – that’s drama.

That moment of clarity

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Don't you love when these show up?
Don’t you love when these show up?

I’ve always said that with each draft of every script I work on, my writing gets a little bit better. Definitely a “learn as you go” scenario.

If you looked at my earlier work, you’d probably say it was pretty basic. Very straightforward. Average. With the later stuff, you’d see improvement. Better, but still some room to grow.

Among the helpful comments I received regarding the previous draft of my western was “give us more flair in the prose…make the details a bit more colorful.”

This can be a trap a lot of writers fall into. You want your writing to be vivid and descriptive, but it’s easy to overdo it and before you know it, the storytelling overshadows your actual story.

Since I started the rewrite, I’ve been doing my best to maintain an equal balance of both so the story is told in an entertaining way and easy for a reader to visualize what’s happening. If they feel like they’re actually there, experiencing it along with the characters, then I’m doing a good job.

Working on an action sequence earlier this week, I was struggling to come up with the best way to describe the events as they played out. Ordinary words weren’t cutting it, and the ever-present thesaurus wasn’t offering much help either. I knew what I wanted to say, but couldn’t come up with the right way to say it.

You can describe how something happens, but is it strong enough to hold somebody’s attention? Is there a “more colorful” way to say it? How could you add “more flair”?

If I were reading this, what would make me want to keep going? What would compel me to want to know what happens next?

Since this is, at its heart, my take on a pulp story, I decided to embrace that aspect and run with it. I mean really run. Let loose and color those words in the perfect shade of purple.

To say it made a difference is putting it mildly.

Words and descriptions that refused to make themselves known before were sprouting up left and right. This was exactly how I imagined the sequence and exactly how it should be written.

A key point to remember in all of this is that this is what works for me. Your writing and your style are totally your own, and only you can find the best way to do it.

I won’t say that everything from here on in for me will be as easy or productive, but it’s definitely a change for the better, and I for one am looking forward to seeing the end result.