One scene, three points

trident
Careful not to get stuck on any of them

After some thorough self-imposed analysis, the revising of the comedy spec is underway. It’s getting easier to spot trouble spots.

There’s one scene in particular that’s giving me some trouble. It’s a pivotal scene involving the main character and offers a revealing glimpse into his backstory. The problem was in figuring out how to best do that.

After much drumming of fingers, rubbing of chin, and a whole lot of attempts, a potential solution may have presented itself. It’s still in the development phase, but for now, quite workable.

One of the first things I learned about screenwriting was what each scene needs to accomplish:  advance the plot, the character, and the theme.

Regarding plot, does the scene move things forward? Does it fall neatly into place in terms of how the overall sequence of events plays out? If you took it out, would it totally mess things up?

I’ve read a lot of scripts where something happens and I don’t know why. Maybe it’ll pay off later? Sometimes it does. Other times, well…

Another handy tip when it comes to advancing the plot in a scene: do it quickly. Get to the point of the scene as fast as you can, then get out. Don’t wait around. Just get out now. Too many times I’ve seen a scene drag on much, much longer than it needs to.

Regarding character, does each scene show them changing a little bit more from when they were first introduced? This doesn’t just apply to the main character. Every character needs to grow/develop. Wouldn’t it be kind of boring to read a story where nobody changes?

And tying it into the advancement of plot, every situation the character experiences should help move their own development along.

Which brings us to theme. The message of your story. This can be a little tricky.

Each scene should tie into the theme, or have it on display in some manner. I recently worked with a writer having trouble tying everything together. We discussed the story and the main character’s internal and external goals. What was the message they wanted to convey? Based on those discussions, we were able to come up with a theme that worked for both the story and as it applied to all of the characters.

One of my favorite examples of a theme in use is BACK TO THE FUTURE. Early on, Marty says “History’s going to change.” And boy, does it. We get a ton of set-up in the first act, and then everything does indeed change in the second act as all of those setups are paid off. Amazing.

Take a look at your latest draft. Does each scene advance the topics in question? If not, do you have a way to fix that so it does? The more you get in the habit of doing this, the easier it’ll get and the faster it’ll become second nature to do it all the time.

The good bad of your antagonist

mitchum
Few better examples than this guy

My original goal for February was to complete the second draft of the low-budget comedy. But as always, things didn’t go as planned.

I’d finished the initial edit, but then got hit with a nasty cold that put me out of commission for about a week, followed by all the activity involved with my daughter’s Bat Mitzvah (where she did a fantastic job), so writing-wise, things came to a screeching halt.

But we’re in a new month, so lots of new opportunities abound. Here’s hoping I can work this script into shape by the 31st.

I’d gotten some very helpful notes on it, the most notable of which was “Your antagonist is too nice. They need to be more at odds with the other characters.”

And they were right. Looking at it with fresh eyes, it’s easy to see how that observation rings true. During that read-through edit, I found at least three places where the character’s badness could definitely be ramped up, and expect more will be found over the course of this rewrite.

Sometimes I’ll even surprise myself by having the antagonist do something unexpected (in terms of behavior, not the story), especially if I personally find it very off-putting. But if it works within the context of the story AND further builds on the difference between them and the protagonist, all the better.

The challenge in writing a solid antagonist is really putting the emphasis on the “antagonize” part. What they want is most likely the opposite of what your protagonist wants, and they are determined to get it – possibly at all costs. To them, they’re the hero of the story, and your protagonist is what’s standing in their way.

I’ve always hated when I read a script and the antagonist is a stereotypical cookie-cutter villain who’s bad for no apparent reason, or because the story requires them to be. Why do they want what they want? I know what the hero wants, but what about them? Just because they’re the antagonist doesn’t mean there’s no story behind who they are.

So the next couple of weeks should be pretty interesting. There’s still a lot of work to do on this, but no doubt one of the high points will be the fun of coming up with ways to make my antagonist even more devious.

Because that’s the kind of character she is.

Ask a Master of the Ultimate Editing Tool Script Consultant!

Erin Whittemore

The latest in a series of interviews with script readers and consultants who would be worth your while to work with if you want to get your script in shape. Today’s spotlight is on agency reader-turned-consultant Erin Whittemore of Red Pen Script Consulting.

“I have a B.A. in film and screenwriting from the University of Michigan, and am also the proud recipient of the Hopwood Award in screenwriting that boasts such alumni as Arthur Miller and Lawrence Kasdan. After graduating, I relocated to Los Angeles, where I worked for United Talent Agency as a freelance script reader. Two of my own scripts have been produced as short films and premiered at film festivals.”

1. What was the last thing that you read/watched that you thought was incredibly well‐written?

I loved Nightcrawler and The Lego Movie as scripts. Nightcrawler’s story was really lean and mean and practically seamless, and The Lego Movie was not only a great narrative in itself, but was also incredibly cheeky and self‐aware at the same time. In terms of TV, Marvel’s Agent Carter put other network shows to shame. In my humble opinion, of course.

2. How did you get started reading scripts?

After spending two arduous years as a pre‐med undergraduate, I finally became so miserable that I switched to film and never looked back. I learned to do coverage through screenwriting courses, and was lucky enough that UTA was hiring part-timers after I graduated. Full disclosure: I did know somebody in the story department, but even then I almost didn’t get the job due to the amount of competition for the position. It all comes down to your “test coverage.” (When an agency gives you a sample script to cover.) If you’re aiming for reading professionally, make sure you have your own sample coverage ready to go as well, preferably showcasing two different genres.

Eventually, though, I needed a better‐paying and more stable job, but I wanted to continue reading scripts as well. Having been a part of “the system” I knew it could take up to three months for writers to get any feedback on their submissions, which is kind of agonizing, especially if the writer ends up getting rejected. I figured, why not give writers a chance to see what a professional script reader would say about their material before sending it out to agencies and production companies? Thus, Red Pen was born!

3. Is recognizing good writing something you think can be taught or learned?

I believe if you’re willing to be taught, you can learn. You have to watch a lot of movies and read a lot of scripts, and you have to learn to think critically about what you ingest. It’s not enough to say “I like this” or “I don’t like this,” you have to think about why. If it doesn’t come naturally to you, you have to ask questions like “why does this work” or “why doesn’t this work?” and “how could I make it work?” Some people naturally think this way, others have to train themselves to make it a habit.

4. What are the components of a good script?

A good script generally has an intriguing premise, strong characters, and an original and compelling execution. As a script reader, I look at character, story, theme, dialogue, visuals, and tone to determine what areas need work. In general, a great script knows exactly what it is and what it’s trying to achieve

5. What are some of the most common mistakes you see?

-Unlikable, uninteresting characters that do uninteresting things. This doesn’t mean your protagonist can’t be an unlikable character, but they must be at least be interesting and do interesting things. (See There Will Be Blood, Nightcrawler.)

-Exposition in dialogue. The golden rule of screenwriting is “SHOW, DON’T TELL.” A little exposition is usually necessary, but too often I see writers trying to cram entire backstories or plot elaborations into a talking scene. Firstly, we only need to know what’s relevant at the time, part of the fun of watching a story unfold is piecing things together. Secondly, remember, it’s a movie. It’s much more dramatic and emotionally immediate to watch a sequence about something important than to hear a character talk about it.

-Inconsistent tone. Is your script Silence of the Lambs or Fargo? Guardians of the Galaxy or Interstellar? 12 Years A Slave or Django Unchained? When a script yo‐yo’s back and forth between tones, or spends the first half of the movie a comedy only to turn serious drama it can be very confusing for the audience and takes us out of the story. Know what tone you want your script to have and stick with it.

-No structure. A story is more than just a series of events, it’s a series of events that influence each other. If you’ve ever had a friend who is terrible at telling stories, they most likely sound something like this: “So Jack and Jill fall down this hill. No, wait, sorry, first they go up this hill. Then Jack falls down. And then Jill falls down. And then they get married.” As opposed to someone who might say, “Jack and Jill grew up together as next door neighbors and they hated each other. They were mean and played pranks on one another until Jill left for school. Jill married an orthodontist, but got divorced soon afterward because life became too predictable for her. Jack had a string of girlfriends but nothing ever seemed to stick, especially since none of them seemed to appreciate his sense of humor. Having both moved back to their hometown at a low ebb in life, one day Jack spotted Jill on top of a hill while walking his dog in the park. Jack smacked Jill in the back of the head with a snowball. Jill yelped, slipped, and tumbled headfirst down the hill. Alarmed, Jack rushed to her aid only to slip and fall, himself. The two ended up in adjacent hospital beds and wouldn’t speak to each other, until they both started laughing. Soon after, they fell in love, and have been married for 35 years.” In other words, remember that each beat of your story should make sense and be relevant in the larger context.

-It’s a movie not a book. Give us just enough flavor text so we get the atmosphere and the characters, but don’t go overboard. I should be able to read your script in the same amount of time it would take to watch the movie, if not less. Don’t bog the reader down in unnecessary description. That doesn’t mean what you write can’t be poetic and evocative, but just remember to keep it lean and mean. If you’re lucky, the type of person reading your material will give it their full attention, but this is not often the case.

6. What story tropes are you just tired of seeing?

Okay, first a disclaimer: most stories are tropes in one way or another. There’s an adage in Hollywood that goes “give me the same thing, only different!” What that basically boils down to is, “give me something I can latch onto, but surprise me!” It’s okay if you have an “everyman protagonist” (The Lego Movie) or if your story is about a rag‐tag bunch of people in space (Guardians of the Galaxy, or alternatively, Star Wars) – what really matters is the execution, or what you do with those characters and set‐ups. That’s where the originality comes in. That being said, here are a few that leap to mind:

-Women with no agency! Or alternatively, women who are portrayed with agency only to have it stripped from them at important points in the story by male counterparts.

– Actually, on that note: stereotyping certain genders, races, or sexual orientations into negative tropes like “the magical ethnic minority” or “token black person” or “exceptionally shallow and flamboyant gay best friend” at all. For a comprehensive list, Google “gender/racial/ethic/gay/transgender/bisexual tropes in media.”

-“You were really working for the bad guys all along.”

-Gritty for the sake of gritty, not because it actually works or makes sense.

-Teen love triangles.

-The ex (Marine, Army, Navy, etc.) whose family or significant other is kidnapped or killed, and must rescue them/seek vengeance. (Sorry, but I’ve read this script a hundred times)

-Scripts that are mostly music‐video segments strung together without much story.

-Manic Pixie Dream Girls

-Inexplicably bloodthirsty military males

-The scientist who knows everything. Ever.

-The brooding, emotionally unavailable romantic interest with no reason to be brooding or emotionally unavailable.

-The hacker who can hack into anything. Ever. Also, it’s probably a guy who lives in his parents’ basement.

-The magical cure‐all that can bring everybody back to life if they die, so there are no consequences or stakes!

-The love interest because there needs to be a love interest.

-The unnecessary cliffhanger, because it’s an unnecessary trilogy!

7. What are the 3 most important rules every writer should know? 

-Write.

-Rewrite. One of the most common things I hear is “I hate rewriting my material.” Nobody likes taking a chainsaw to their baby, but more often than not it’s a vital part of the creative process. Let’s face it, we’d all like to believe we’re capable of writing a perfect first draft, but in reality turning out something great takes a lot of work and usually a good number of drafts. As a script reader, I see that squeamishness about rewriting get in the way of some good scripts, and that’s a real shame when they could be great scripts. Just “polishing” your material is sort of like watering around a sick plant and expecting it to improve.

-For screenwriters: make every scene worth watching. Almost every scene should a) have some sort of conflict, be it internal or external, b) move the story forward, and c) tell us more about the characters involved.

8. Have you ever read a script that was an absolute, without‐a‐doubt, “recommend?” If so, could you give the logline?

I have actually read several, but most of them were under an NDA, so unfortunately I can’t share any loglines. Sorry.

9. How do you feel about screenwriting contests? Worth it or not?

The Nicholl is definitely worth submitting to, as there is some fairly significant exposure in the industry the farther you make it into the competition. I would also recommend submitting a polished script to the Black List.

10. How can people get in touch with you to find out more about the services you provide?

You can get more information at www.redpenscriptconsulting.com or send me an email at redpenscriptconsulting@gmail.com. I also have LinkedIn, Facebook, and Twitter accounts. If you’re just looking to get your script proofed, though, I would check out my friend’s fantastic service at www.scriptproofed.com

11. Readers of this blog are more than familiar with my love/appreciation of pie. What’s your favorite kind?

Strawberry‐rhubarb is always an instant win with me, but sometimes I like a good old-fashioned apple topped with vanilla ice cream. Am I allowed to have two favorites?

Ask an International Multi-Hyphenate Script Consultant!

Danny Stack

The latest in a series of interviews with script readers and consultants who would be worth your while to work with if you want to get your script in shape. Today’s spotlight is on writer-director-editor-analyst-contest organizer Danny Stack of Scriptwriting in the UK.

Danny Stack is a screenwriter whose TV writing credits include the revamped Thunderbirds Are Go! and the BBC’s flagship soap EastEnders, amongst others. He also writes and directs, and is currently in post-production on his live-action children’s feature film Who Killed Nelson Nutmeg? Danny has many years experience as a story analyst for a number of film companies, such as Working Title, Pathe Films, Miramax (Harvey Weinstein era) and the UK Film Council, to name but a few. He was development script editor for the British film The Man Inside, and he script edited the Irish-language feature film Kings.

1.What’s the last thing you read/watched that you thought was incredibly well-written?

The Knick by Jack Amiel and Michael Begler. It’s a TV period drama about The Knickerbocker hospital around the turn of the 20th century. The drama is very character-driven but extremely engaging. Steven Soderbergh’s direction is also very distinctive and interesting, adding to the immersive milieu of the show.

2. How’d you get your start reading scripts?

I was a commissioning assistant in the Channel 4 comedy department. A large part of my job was logging all the spec sitcom scripts. I farmed them out to a handful of readers but started reading and writing my own reports, too, and really enjoyed it. Once I left Channel 4, I approached film companies asking to read scripts for them. I did a few sample reports, and went from there!

3. Is recognizing good writing something you think can be taught or learned?

Learning to recognize good writing should sharpen your existing storytelling instincts. For example, I didn’t know anything about inciting incidents or three-act structure when I was green and keen, but when I read my first screenwriting book, those terms made complete sense to my natural instincts about story in the first place.

4. What are the components of a good script?

An original idea, interesting characters, good dialogue, unpredictable plot, a solid structure, humour.

5. What are some of the most common mistakes you see?

Long set-ups or unnecessary introductions of characters, or indulging in backstory. Over-written scene description. Plain or over-familiar dialogue. Similarly plain or over-familiar characterization. Female characters being treated or written poorly.

6. What story tropes are you just tired of seeing?

Advanced aliens who are unaware of, or can’t comprehend, human emotion. ‘One last job’ crime set-ups. The straight-talking, overweight female friend often seen in comedies.

7. What are the 3 most important rules every writer should know?

These aren’t rules, more things writers should be aware of:

-The first ten pages of your script are vital in making a good impression.

-It’s extremely unlikely you’ll get your first script made.

-Structure is your friend, not something to be railed against.

8. Have you ever read a script that was an absolute, without-a-doubt “recommend”? If so, could you give the logline?

I think I’ve only given around half a dozen RECOMMENDS (out of literally thousands of scripts!). One of those RECOMMENDS had this logline:

“An adulterous husband’s life falls apart when his job comes under threat while his wife gets involved with a pyramid money making scheme to alleviate her boredom and frustrations.” This might not sound MUST READ but the writing was sharp, funny and inventive, and deftly managed an ensemble cast. After I recommended it, the exec read it, liked it, invited the writers in, and helped them find an agent.

9. How do you feel about screenwriting contests? Worth it or not?

I actually help organize a screenwriting contest in the UK. It’s called the Red Planet Prize which is a scheme to find new TV writers. It’s about helping and mentoring writers rather than just announcing a winner and then nothing. Plus, it’s free to enter. I’m very proud of setting it all up, and it’s helped kickstart a few careers, most notably with Robert Thorogood and his BBC series Death in Paradise. So yes, screenwriting contests are worth it, but don’t be sucked in by every single one; weigh up the pros and cons (is there a entry fee? Do I get feedback? Is the prize any good? etc.), and roll the dice!

10. How can people get in touch with you to find out more about the services you provide?

On my website dannystack.com

11. Readers of this blog are more than familiar with my love/appreciation of pie. What’s your favorite kind?

I have an annual Pie Night with my friends where we cook 5-6 varieties, and then choose a favourite. Last year’s special was a traditional steak & ale pie, delicious! I’m quite partial to a hearty fish pie, too. And lemon meringue pie for dessert. You’re not going to make me choose one, are you? NO FAIR.

Ask a Prolifically Verbose Script Consultant!

Ms. Hay swears this is what she actually looks like
Ms. Hay swears this is what she looks like

The latest in a series of interviews with script readers and consultants who would be worth your while to work with if you want to get your script in shape. Today’s spotlight is on Lucy Hay of UK-based Bang 2 Write .

1. What’s the last thing you read/watched that you thought was incredibly well-written?

Cripes, difficult to pick something out, I think the last couple of years have been exceptional … For me, as I’m a movie buff, it’s a tie: I loved RUSH, by Peter Morgan; also SAVING MR BANKS by Kelly Marcel and Sue Smith. Both were very different, yet still massively ambitious stories that were visual and yet had loads of heart, too. A lot of the spec scripts I read aren’t BIG enough like that – they confuse potential actual money spend (“how many locations, people, CGI or explosions can I get into this?”) with story ambition, which isn’t the same.

2. How’d you get your start reading scripts?

I went to university to study screenwriting and to pass the course we had to do a six-week placement in the media industry somewhere. I was a young single mum of 21 with no childcare and no money, so going up to London and coach-surfing was out of the question. So I wrote to every production company and every literary agent whose address I could find, asking them if I could read their scripts for them. I ended up mailing – not emailing – 79 letters. I got about 14 replies, most of them saying “thanks but no thanks”. A couple of them invited me in for a chat, including Working Title, which gave me a tour of their offices, which was nice; also an animation studio gave me some toys for my son. The last however, a literary agent, called me in, opened the door to the back room and said: “Knock yourself out, take home as many as you like!” The room was packed with screenplays. Actually full to the brim. So that’s where it started for me!

3. Is recognizing good writing something you think can be taught or learned?

Sure you can learn it, but SHOULD you? Recognizing good writing requires an open mind, but also recognizing where your limitations are. End of the day, you can be objective as you can, but there’s certain stuff you’re never going to “get”. You need to be able to recognize this in yourself and that is a talent, I think; as is the ability to give constructive criticism to a writer. But you can hone this and get better at it. When I started, I made a renowned playwright cry with my feedback, I was that harsh. But that taught me the lesson as a young person I wasn’t *just* looking at a work in isolation on the page, I was also handling people’s dreams. So if you can’t handle either of those two things with care, then stay away from script reading and working with writers else you’re only going to end up buried under somebody’s patio!

4. What are the components of a good script?

A great concept. If you haven’t got that, you got NUTHIN’.

5. What are some of the most common mistakes you see?

Structure and character. Structure because it’s lumpy – especially sagging middles – or there’s non-linearity splurged all over the place. Sometimes all of these things, lucky me! And as for characters … It’s the tragic backstory that does my swede in at the moment. Every single character’s got dead wives and dead kids and dead friends and dead dogs and flashbacks of accidents and anything else you care to mention, especially in genre stuff. LE YAWN.

6. What story tropes are you just tired of seeing?

I don’t like the word “trope” – most of the time people seem to use it on the internet to mean, “something I don’t like”, rather than its actual definition, “a recurrent theme or motif”, which is actually more neutral. Writers can actually NEED tropes as a kind of shorthand; bring something entirely new to the table every single time and you could end up creating a new meaning altogether that derails the story. It’s a difficult balancing act. So there are no specific things I say NEVER do (unless it’s horrible and offensive); instead, think of the things we see often and subvert our expectations of them. Left of the middle is ALWAYS better than something completely out of left field.

7. What are the 3 most important rules every writer should know?

  1. Concept is king (or queen!)
  2. Don’t be boring
  3. There are no rules.

8. Have you ever read a script that was an absolute, without-a-doubt “recommend”? If so, could you give the logline?

It would have to be the new film I associate produced which is coming out in 2015 – I got involved BECAUSE I loved it. ASSASSIN is about a professional contract killer who compromises himself when he realizes that his latest victim is the estranged father of the girl he has fallen in love with. Now, I first read that script back in 2007 when it was called UNTITLED HITMAN THRILLER. Like most readers, I obviously read a lot of spec scripts involving hitmen, but it was immediately apparent to me this one was different than the rest. For one thing, it’s got some GREAT roles for named talent and sure enough, we were able to secure our beloved “King of Indies” Danny Dyer and Gary and Ross Kemp, back together on screen for the first time in over twenty years since THE KRAYS! Very exciting. Plus it has a great story, that reminds me of DRIVE (2011) and other such moody, violent and dark tales. I can’t wait for everybody to see it.

9. How do you feel about screenwriting contests? Worth it or not?

Definitely worth it. The good ones can act as a microcosm of the industry, making good writing rise to the top and offer very real opportunities to the winners and those that place highly. What’s more, for those writers with day jobs, they can offer deadlines and opportunities they may not have been able to seek otherwise, plus competitions with specific briefs and targeted voices can help showcase marginalised screenwriters, especially women and people of colour, but also different age groups/people living in places that aren’t in L.A. and so on. What’s not to like? Of course, there are also those competitions and so on that take the Mick, so it’s buyer beware. But I think this is the case with everything, not only in screenwriting. New writers are not children that need to be cosseted; they’re grown men and women who can make their own choices. All this said, screenwriting contests are not 100% necessary to making a career – I’ve never won a contest in my life!

10. How can people get in touch with you to find out more about the services you provide?

I get everywhere, like germs! Type “Bang2write” into Google and you’ll find me – my website, plus pretty much any social media platform you care to mention. People can find free writing resources and downloads at my site too, or ask me writing questions – you don’t have to use the B2W Script Reading Service to ask. I’m always happy to help. Here you go: www.bang2write.com/resources

11. Readers of this blog are more than familiar with my love/appreciation of pie. What’s your favorite kind?

Pecan pie is my favourite, but it’s hard to get a decent slice in the UK, or at least where I live; all the supermarket versions are rubbish. There’s only one place that does a good homemade one and I stake it out most weekends, ‘cuz my husband loves it too (though I would totes eat the last slice if it was between me and him, sorry that’s just the way it goes). I can however be distracted by a decent mince pie, especially hot, with clotted cream. And actually, treacle tart too. Or lemon meringue pie. Or apple pie. Or cheesecake. In fact, just give me all the pies, in the entire world … No one gets hurt that way.