This scene consists of TWO short, spot-on lines of dialogue
It’s always recommended that when you finish a script, you should put it in a drawer and not look at it again for at least two weeks. That way you can look at it with fresh eyes.
That’s what happened with the LUCY outline. Since I’ve been so pre-occupied with the DREAMSHIP rewrite, I haven’t looked at it since around Halloween.
I thought I had to get to a certain plot point in Act Two, but I’d forgotten I already had. A pleasant surprise, and it just needs a little tweaking. Nice.
Then I read the rest of Act Two.
Oy.
What was I thinking? Way too overwritten. It drags, taking forever to get to where I want/need it to be. A lot of unnecessary scenes. And worst of all – my protagonist isn’t driving the action.
Strictly amateur hour.
I now see this as a challenge and opportunity to not only make some major fixes in this section of the story, but to do a massive overhaul in terms of editing and trimming the whole thing down. If I can cut something and it doesn’t impact the story, then it shouldn’t have been in there in the first place.
This will also have to happen with DREAMSHIP. My midpoint’s on page 60, and that’s around 5-10 pages too many.
I had a very interesting chat last night with the director of my new short project. His latest venture: a whodunit/thriller. Materials so far include character descriptions, a scene-by-scene breakdown and a one-paragraph synopsis.
I’ve never written an out-and-out thriller before, but am always up for a challenge. Even more so when I’ve got a maximum time limit of 25 minutes. I know this isn’t going to change cinema as we know it, but it’s fun to try.
He’s a very nice guy, but I worry he’s too influenced by what’s out in theatres when he comes up with an idea. He referenced some aspect of the recent release ANONYMOUS as being particularly well done, and thought it would work well in his story. I haven’t seen it, and think it’s already gone from theatres, so there’s not much I can do with that.
This happened when we were putting together his previous short. He was concerned his story was too similar to INCEPTION, and feared people would think he was ripping it off. I had to reassure him his script was nothing like it, and just because something was done in a certain way in Nolan’s film, didn’t mean he had to follow the same rules.
Reading over his materials, I noticed a few potential red flags in terms of the story (in this case, the structure of a mystery) and voiced my concern. What did he want to do about this? How did he want to handle that? A few times, he sounded a little caught off-guard (which I’m not faulting him for; I suspect he’s not that experienced in this genre), but said nothing was written in stone and I could make changes where appropriate. I doubt major studios are this lenient with writers, so I’ll take my breaks where I can get them.
There are some traits of a few characters that present a challenge to work with, but he seems pretty set on them, so I’ll do what I can.
My deadline for an outline is Dec 4th, which is fine by me. He also mentioned how he likes how I’m pretty good at fast turnaround. But another hurdle is now how much time to I can allocate to all of my in-development projects (which I get a certain thrill out of saying. That’s projectS. Plural.).
I can get the outline done, but also want to be able spend time on DREAMSHIP and LUCY. Overall, no complaints whatsoever. Every writer should be this busy.
In terms of writing, Monday was fantastic. I got to the midpoint of my revamped LUCY outline, and I really like how things are developing. It has a genuine pulp-y feel, which is kind of what I was going for.
The rest of Act Two still looms, so how that works out is still being developed. The previous draft has a lot of stuff I can’t use anymore, so getting through it will be a bit of a slog.
Didn’t get to work on DREAMSHIP pages, but the editing of the first act continues. Hoping to get back into that sometime next week. Over the weekend I realized it’s been about a year since I got my Script Quack notes. That really was the kick in the pants I needed to get started on this rewrite. Definitely worth it. Click on their link over there on the right to check ’em out.
-You’ve probably noticed the growing trend of the ‘found footage’ genre. THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT, CLOVERFIELD, and the forthcoming CHRONICLE. And the spec market seems to be growing with more and more unique takes on it.
I think I’ve stumbled onto a potentially great idea for one. And even better, it fits perfectly with a story idea I came up with years ago. I don’t want to divulge any details just yet, but I’ve got the logline down on a long-standing list of story ideas, with the intent of coming back to it later. What’s nice is that I can keep track of the market and see how any new scripts compare with mine. Knowing me, I probably won’t get to this until sometime next year, but it’s definitely an idea worth holding on to.
-Movie of the Moment: BRIDESMAIDS (2011). It must be me. I didn’t think this was the comedic work of genius I was led to believe it was. There were some funny moments in the second half, but overall I wasn’t impressed. Some of my co-workers thought it was hilarious, so maybe I would have enjoyed it more in the theatre, rather than at home. But this isn’t something I would have paid to see.
I bet as soon as this was a hit, they announced plans for a sequel. No doubt this time it’s Annie who’s getting married. Such originality! Puh-leeze. Spare me.
-On a more positive note, we watched WILLY WONKA AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY (1971) because V had caught the second half on TV and wanted to see it from the beginning. She loved it. One of those films that holds up after numerous viewings. We’ll probably see the Tim Burton version this weekend. While Gene Wilder definitely makes for a more interesting Wonka, I like the Danny Elfman songs in the Burton version a little more.
If we’re really lucky, we may even very slyly ‘convince’ V to read the original book for school. That would be quite a coup for us. And even better, she’d probably like it.
Apart from seven longboxes of comics taking up a lot of space in the closet, I have about 2-3 bookshelves of assorted material that could be classified under trade paperbacks and graphic novels.
I’m kind of choosy when it comes to what I read. First and foremost, it has to be well-written. If it ain’t, then I’m not interested, no matter how pretty the art is. Boring material is boring material.
George R. R. Martin, author of GAME OF THRONES, has said that comics contributed heavily to his love of reading. I’m working on passing that love to my daughter as well.
While V has been tearing through the Harry Potter books for school, a few weeks ago she asked if she could read one of my comics. We pulled out a few she might be interested in:
–POLLY AND THE PIRATES by Ted Naifeh. I got this at APE a few years ago, complete with autograph
I’m not a huge Disney person; Pixar’s stuff is more to my liking. But I like adventure stories. And I like historical fiction. These books have both. And keeping with the Disney theme, most of the material is G-rated, with a hint of innuendo thrown in here and there.
We follow important chapters in Scrooge’s life, starting with his youth in Scotland and the ensuing adventures around the world. Each story incorporates real-life history and tidbits from Disney duck-universe creator Carl Barks’ decades of work. I didn’t have a problem with Rosa utilizing as much as he could of the latter, but knowing where a minor story detail came from didn’t have much of an influence on my enjoyment of the story.
V started off reading them herself, but I think she enjoyed it more when we would read them together, which basically meant me reading all the dialogue aloud, incorporating appropriate accents where necessary. I suspect K enjoyed it as well. It was fun, but harder than you think. Amazingly, all my Scottish lines made me sound like the chief engineer on the Starship Enterprise.
I’m just glad V is warming up to the idea of reading for pleasure, and not seeing it as a homework-related chore.
This has been a very busy week, but unfortunately not in terms of writing. The school year is in full swing, which means helping V with all kinds of stuff, including homework (which includes reading), assorted sports (hockey & soccer), and next week marks the addition of Hebrew school. Add to that I’m working a split shift all this week and you have one pooped writer.
Not to say I haven’t tried. I’ve been able to get some work done, but not on what I was planning. Since a lot of the aforementioned activities are outside, using the computer isn’t an option. Which means pen, paper and the LUCY outline. Happy to say I’ve been able to trim the first half down so it moves much more smoothly.
However. Two things now concern me:
1. whether or not I need to do the occasional cutaway to keep the reader/audience updated regarding what the villain is up to. Still not sure if this is necessary.
2. whether or not the third quarter of Act Two is too boring. Maybe boring is too strong, but it feels like not enough is happening to up the stakes. A little more analysis and evaluation are in order.
Hoping to make progress on all fronts in the next couple of days.
-Movie of the Moment – EXPORTING RAYMOND (2010), a documentary about Phil Rosenthal, who created EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND, going to Russia to help develop a version of the show.
Honestly, I thought it would be funnier, but that was based on the trailer.
There were a lot of situations best described as ‘uncomfortable’ or ‘awkward’, mostly Phil dealing with culture clash from assorted behind-the-scenes staffers. The out-there costume designer thinks the clothes should be high-end to show how fashionable the family is. The writers don’t get why the main character (re-named ‘Kostya’) is such a pushover. Since they couldn’t get their first choice for the lead, they go with the guy who played the Larry Hagman role on the Russian IDREAM OF JEANNIE, who turns out to be a terrible comedy actor.
It’s interesting if you want to see how a TV show is put together, but if you’re expecting a big laughfest, prepare to be disappointed.
