Grab ’em early and don’t let go

And this is just the beginning…

I printed out a months-old version of the LUCY outline yesterday as part of the plan to launch a massive rewrite to incorporate some recent ideas. As I was looking it over, it dawned on me – the opening sequence just ain’t strong enough.

The way it’s written now, it would last about 3 pages, which really isn’t enough. The opening sets the tone and mood of the whole story. If I can’t hold your interest here, then you’re not going to want to work your way through another 100+ pages.

Think of the opening sequence in RAIDERS. It runs about 10 minutes, and does a phenomenal job of establishing the character of Indiana Jones.  I need to do the same thing.

This is where that ‘having fun while you write’ thing comes into play. And I get to do it with trains in the Old West.

Throw in a bottle of RC Cola and some Moon Pies and it’s an ideal writing session.

-Movie of the Moment – MEN IN BLACK III. Fun, clever and a definite improvement over the previous sequel. Setups and payoffs were obvious from the get-go. Josh Brolin did a great job as a young Tommy Lee Jones.  If this opens the door to a MIB IV, they should go the FANTASTIC VOYAGE/INNERSPACE route and do microscopic or nano-technology-based aliens. You heard it here first, folks!

This also confirmed for me once again that Smith needs to stop playing it safe and really try something new. Wasn’t he Tarantino’s first choice for the lead in DJANGO UNCHAINED? But he’s got a good thing going that brings in big bucks, so I don’t see that ever happening.

Finding a method in all that madness

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pre-computer 'delete' button

I was doubly fortunate to interview two writer-directors live and in-studio on yesterday’s installment of The Script Adventurer! – Joshua Grannell and Mary Regan.  Among the many subjects discussed was how each of us develop our ideas, especially in the beginning phase of building a script. (If you weren’t able to catch the show live, never fear – it will replay this Sunday at 7PM PST on radioslot.com)

While everybody has a different approach to how they put a story together, the style is usually very similar.  You come up with an idea, then figure out how to develop a story around it. Some people like to come up with as many potential scenarios that could arise from that original idea. Others may choose to meticulously weave an intricate web of storylines around it.  There’s also the time-honored practice of metaphorically throwing everything at a wall and seeing what sticks.

No matter what your style, it’s extremely important to hammer out all the kinks of your story BEFORE you start on pages.  It’s a lot easier to fix a problem contained in one sentence rather than one page.  This will also cut down on your frustration over having to go back and edit and/or rewrite.

Another plus is it gives you a more condensed and detailed view of your story, so it’s easier to keep track of where something happens if you need to jump back in and fix it. This way you’re not wasting time scrolling through pages trying to find that one thing you need to change.

Maybe this comes from years of focusing more on the outline first, but I’ve found that once I’m satisfied with how the outline is put together and start on pages, if I find something that needs to be fixed or I come up with a way it could be better, making those changes is a lot easier than it used to be.  I suppose it’s because I already know what the point of the scene or sequence is, so I don’t have to worry about what’s supposed to happen next and can instead channel my creativity into making it stronger/more effective.

Stop thinking and write!

proof that a script is like a blueprint; everything has to fit perfectly

A very interesting thing happened during the first scene of the rewrite of the second half of DREAMSHIP.  I got about halfway through when I realized my hero was just sitting there, doing nothing.  And that ain’t right!  He’s supposed to be the one driving the action, pushing the story ahead.  Fortunately, it’s easily fixed.  But it got me thinking.

Since finishing the first half rewrite, I’m more careful going into each scene.  You could even call it overthinking. Does this scene advance the story, theme and character? (A cardinal but often-ignored rule for screenwriting)  Does it follow the one before it and lead to the one after it?  If I take it out, will it impact the rest of the story?  I also realize taking the time to analyze each scene with such intense scrutiny will slow me down.  The feeling of getting stuff done will vanish.

In some ways, just storming ahead seems like a great way to go.  But then there’s the whole issue of going back and fixing things.  But if I apply the proverbial fine-tooth comb, then it won’t be fun.  And will take longer than I’d like.

I think rather than move ahead on pages, I’ll go through the outline and edit accordingly, thereby saving valuable time during the page-writing period as well as trimming some fat from the story.

-I’ve read some of the scripts from the 2011 Black List. So far, not too impressive.  I liked the 2010 selections much better.

-Movie of the Moment – 9 (2009). A really interesting animated film that came and went from theaters pretty quickly.  I can see why.  Set in a post-apocalyptic world, a band of foot-high dolls struggles to survive.  This is probably not the best way to describe it, but it’s all I can think of.

While the story is a little unusual, I thought it was a great take on the genre.  Really clever use of the animation and each doll had a distinct personality and appearance that made it easy to distinguish one from another.

My only complaints:  a slightly confusing resolution to the main conflict, and a lot of back-and-forth in terms of moving the story forward.  I think the main character said “We have to go  back!” at least twice.  It’s never explained how the dolls function, but in the end doesn’t really matter.

I didn’t realize this was based on a ten-minute short, which was included on the DVD, but I didn’t get a chance to watch it.  Tim Burton and Timur Bekmambetov were among the producers, and it’s easy to see the influence of each.

Behold the all-powerful red pencil of doom!

All part of the process...

Exaggerate?  Me?

Well, maybe a little.

I’ve been editing a hard copy of the first half of DREAMSHIP, and it’s so much easier than doing it on the laptop. Actually seeing what’s being cut, changed or moved around makes a really big difference.

And as predicted, at least one scene was completely cut, another was drastically shortened (necessarily so), and a majority have been tweaked in some manner.  And I’m only up to page 24.

Sometimes while I’m out on a run, even though I’m listening to podcasts, I’ll still go over the story in my head.  It’s actually quite helpful. I came up with the solution to two small subplot problems, but now need to figure out how to work them in in an effective, organic manner.

Fun stuff, believe you me.

Movie of the Moment – TANK GIRL (1995). Imagine a mega-hyperactive 5-year-old dressed in a punk rock thrift store wardrobe and armed with souped-up military hardware, then set it in the desert. That’s this movie.  I think it was part of the mid-90s “let’s snatch up a semi-obscure comic book property and turn it into a movie!” mindset.

I’ve never read the comic, but this felt like they were trying too hard.  It wasn’t a slog to get through, but it wasn’t fun either.

Less really IS more

This scene consists of TWO short, spot-on lines of dialogue

It’s always recommended that when you finish a script, you should put it in a drawer and not look at it again for at least two weeks. That way you can look at it with fresh eyes.

That’s what happened with the LUCY outline. Since I’ve been so pre-occupied with the DREAMSHIP rewrite, I haven’t looked at it since around Halloween.

I thought I had to get to a certain plot point in Act Two, but I’d forgotten I already had. A pleasant surprise, and it just needs a little tweaking.  Nice.

Then I read the rest of Act Two.

Oy.

What was I thinking?  Way too overwritten.  It drags, taking forever to get to where I want/need it to be.  A lot of unnecessary scenes.  And worst of all – my protagonist isn’t driving the action.

Strictly amateur hour.

I now see this as a challenge and opportunity to not only make some major fixes in this section of the story, but to do a massive overhaul in terms of editing and trimming the whole thing down.  If I can cut something and it doesn’t impact the story, then it shouldn’t have been in there in the first place.

This will also have to happen with DREAMSHIP. My midpoint’s on page 60, and that’s around 5-10 pages too many.

Time to get creative and kill some darlings.