I’d completely forgotten I was supposed to provide feedback on somebody’s script, so rewrite stuff is on hold while I wear my analyst hat over the next few days.
After that, it’ll probably be a bit hectic, what with the half-marathon on Sunday and the movers coming next Wednesday. Despite all that, I’ll try to have some kind of positive rewrite status news sometime soon. No promises, though.
I might even take a few moments here and there to actually breathe. If I can find the time.
Time to take a little break from working on this outline. I got some really good notes back on DREAMSHIP from a highly recommended reader, and he did a great job of pointing out what works and what doesn’t. So the next couple of weeks will be devoted to making changes where necessary.
My initial thoughts were along the lines of “This is going to take FOREVER!” But taking another look at his comments, it might not be as big a hurdle as I thought. There are definitely some parts that need work, or at least a little creative tinkering, which I think I can handle.
And it probably goes without saying that the query letter stage is also on hold for the time being. For now, it’s all about making the script better.
After I sent him the script, I admit I succumbed to that short-lived fantasy of getting notes consisting of “This is terrific! Don’t change a thing!” Who hasn’t?
But I’m also realistic about this, so I was relieved he didn’t say “This sucks,” or words to that effect. When the first part of the summary reads “A lot of good stuff here,” that’s a sort of mini-vindication for my time and effort.
Part of me was dreading having to go through another rewrite or three, but there are countless stories of working writers having to churn out dozens of rewrites in order to make the script better, so if this is what I have to do to move things forward, so be it. The more I can do to hone my craft, the better.
Not gonna lie. There was a brief period of “woe is me”, complete with an air of melancholy, but I’m over it now.
Nobody said this was going to be easy. And it isn’t. And there’s no way I’m going to stop trying, either.
I’m getting over a nasty bout of some kind of respiratory virus, which at one point included a fever of 104.1, thereby completely nullifying my ability to do just about anything. I was hoping to utilize the time being laid up to work on the rewrite, but it’s kind of difficult when your head feels hotter than the surface of the sun.
Over the weekend, I got some helpful feedback from a trusted colleague. This was a repeat evaluation for him, and he again raised some points about the antagonist and the way she acted. At first, I basically glossed over his comments, most likely because I didn’t necessarily agree with them.
But his words gnawed at me. If he had issues with that, who’s to say a potential future interested industry-connected person wouldn’t say the exact same thing? It’s up to me to make this thing as tight, connected and bulletproof as possible, so any criticism needs to be taken into consideration.
Since my health wasn’t exactly around 100 percent, and it was easier to read then to actually write, I went through the sequence he was talking about. I read through it not as the person who wrote it, but as a reader/audience member going in blind.
And of course, he was right. Why would the antagonist do these things? It made no sense. That and a two-scene sequence that the more I thought about, didn’t seem to serve much of a purpose. So out that went as well.
Suffice to say, a mini-rewrite is in progress. It’ll take a little bit of effort to work my way through this, but as usually happens, the new end result will (in theory) be stronger, more effective and just improve things overall. At first I was annoyed that I had to go through this, but upon reflection, anything that has to be done to improve the script is necessary and should always been seen as a positive rather than a negative.
Hopefully, it won’t take too long.
-Movie of the Moment – MARY AND MAX (2009). Don’t let the animation fool you – this ain’t no kids film. This claymation feature from Australia deals with adult subjects such as depression and mental illness. The title refers to 8-year-old Mary, growing up lonely and ignored in the suburbs of Melbourne, who becomes pen pals with 44-year-old Max, living alone and afraid in New York City. Their relationship spans 20 years as we get to see the impact each has on the other’s life during that time.
This description really can’t do the story justice; it’s one of those films you have to see for yourself. Highly recommended for adults, NOT recommended for kids. This has also got to be one of the most heart-wrenchingly sad movies you may ever see (if you don’t cry at the end, then you just have no soul), but at times can also be extremely hilarious. It leans more towards black humor, so if that’s not your thing, you might not enjoy it as much.
I didn’t fare very well in that, did I? Not going to argue. But in the end – it’s okay.
Most of his comments are probably spot-on, but comedy’s never really been my strong suit. I liked the idea, and wanted to give it a go. I still like it, enough to even list it on my Scripts page.
This was the 2nd script I ever wrote. As you probably guessed, it’s not exactly fresh, but I liked it enough to submit it. I’ve written 5 more since then, and like to think I’ve improved.
It also got me a manager (we have since parted ways), and I even got an email a few months ago from a guy saying he really liked it. Proving once again that comedy really is subjective.
It would be way too easy to bitch and moan, but there’s no point. It’s all part of the process, and pushes me even harder to improve and succeed.
Sometimes I do things that are counterproductive. Almost even stupid in their execution. Practically on a level of “what the hell was I thinking?” And apparently I’ve done it again.
I went to the internet seeking somebody’s opinion on my work. Yeah, I know.
I posted my logline on a few message boards, curious to know if it works. Some comments have been positive, while others… Let’s not call them negative, but there does seem to be a strong critical-without-guidance vibe. Do some of them realize they’re coming across as snobbish?
It’s also important to remember that these are public forums, which means the public is responding, which means there are varying degrees of experience out there. Probably some with even less than me, of which I suspect there are more than a few. Curious to know if any of them are actual working screenwriters.
Don’t get me wrong. I appreciate every single comment (albeit to a certain degree), but don’t like feeling like I have to keep changing my stuff to make them happy. I also have to remind myself it’s my script, and it ultimately comes down to what I think works best.
And at this point, it’s probably time to stop using the message boards as much and start seeking professional feedback. Guidance from somebody with actual industry experience seems like it would be a little more reliable.
*side note – it’s fascinating to see how people interpret what they read. Some of the revamped loglines focus on key words and take a sharp turn from there.
-Movie of the Moment: It’s been a while, but I’ve seen three new releases in the past week.
BRAVE – beautiful to look at, but haven’t we heard this story before? I was really expecting something a little more different from the folks across the Bay in Emeryville, although the bear subplot was unexpected.
MADAGASCAR 3 – surprisingly funnier than I thought it would be. Especially nice how they wove subplot threads throughout and wrapped them all up in the end.
THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN – okay, but not as fun as THE AVENGERS, but I did like the Spidey POV shots while he’s swinging around New York. Also impressed with how they made the Lizard an actual formidable bad guy, but really felt they could have done more with it. No great desire to see it again or own it. Hope they use Raimi’s Spidey #2 as a guide in terms of fun and quality for the sequel, but please: stop taking off the mask, and NO VENOM.
Regarding THE DARK KNIGHT RISES: the trailers are doing a phenomenal job in increasing my desire to see this. I may even be so bold as to consider seeing it in IMAX.
