screenwriting

Say when

Maximum Z analysis, Dreamship, Lucy Steele, outlines, plot, screenwriting, ScriptQuack

Rain has returned to the Bay Area, which means another 4:30 to noon day for yours truly, followed by an appointment in the afternoon, which means no physical work on LUCY.

Mental work, though, is another issue.

I printed out the outline pages I have so far, and realized something I haven’t noticed in a while: I have a lot going on in this story. And when I say a lot, I mean Faulkner-on-a-roll lot.

There will be lots of editing when I reach the end, but I have to stop myself from doing it now. It probably doesn’t help that I keep putting more stuff in and expanding and creating more storylines. Just trying to tie it all together. Honest.

It’s getting more complicated, despite my efforts to have that not happen. I know I’ve mentioned the number of scenes per section of Act Two, and it’s still too high.

I look at well-done action films (DIE HARD, RAIDERS) and there is no fat to those stories. Everything serves a purpose AND moves the story forward. Me, I got too much fat in mine. It slows things down.

I need to start swinging my metaphoric editor’s butcher knife and trim a lot of it away.

-Just a quick plug for script analysis service Script Quack, listed just over there on the right in the blogroll section.  I used them last year for DREAMSHIP and they came through with some fantastic feedback.  My original plan was to take their very thorough notes and do a rewrite for this year’s Nicholl.  Probably won’t happen due to all my work on LUCY, but definitely for next year.

While some places charge $200 and up for basic notes, Script Quack was only $99, which is a real bargain.  I highly recommend them, and I don’t get anything in return for doing so.  So there.

The benefit of taking a break

Maximum Z characters, Lucy Steele, outlines, screenwriting, Star Wars, story

Today was the first time I really got to sit down and work on the LUCY outline.  I’d been thinking about some of the minor hurdles I was trying to get over, which included what my bad guy wants and how that impacts Lucy’s story.

My page one is always the title, logline and plot point breakdown.

I looked at the logline, which has always given me trouble, and erased it.  I wanted something new.  Something that really encapsulates the story down to its bare minimum.  It took a couple of tries, but I came up with one that works.  I”ll probably change it again at least a few more times, but it works for now.

I looked at the plot point breakdown.  Something didn’t seem right.  The story’s there, but not the way I think it should be.  I change a few words here, add some there, and suddenly, it seems stronger.

And now into the outline itself.  Like I said, I’ve been struggling with the bad guy’s goal.  Then I realized I was worrying too much about the little things and not focusing on telling a story.  I wasn’t enjoying myself.

So one of my original plot points gets changed just a little bit.  The what is different, but the result is still the same.  And to make it that much better, changing that enables me to use it in a bigger, better way for Act Three.

So far, so good.

I’m still in the third quarter of Act Two, and realize I can flesh out at least two sequences, which really helps strengthen the story.  And I also discover I can change the setting of an important sequence, while also bringing in that much-liked rotund character from a few weeks back.

Like I said at the beginning, I really like how it’s all coming together.  True, there are a lot of details that have to be worked out for the rest of Act Two (escalating conflict!), and I started listing what needs to happen in Act Three.

Most importantly, it feels fun again.  Which is always nice.

Movie of the Moment: IT’S A TRAP!, Family Guy’s take on JEDI.  Fun, but the first two were better.  Some truly hilarious moments, but they seemed few and far between.  It’s a good thing they’re not doing these anymore.  It really seems to have run out of steam, which is even acknowledged in the opening crawl.

It’ll be interesting to see what, if anything, they take on next.

If BUFFY had been on the History Channel…

Maximum Z Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, adventure, Black List, history, screenwriting

I’ll have a LUCY progress update tomorrow.  I didn’t get to work on it over the weekend because there was a ton of hockey stuff for V, as well as the latest in my culinary repertoire of making a roasted eggplant soup with goat cheese dumplings, which ate up (no pun intended) most of my Presidents’ Day afternoon.  Suffice to say, I was wiped by day’s end.  It also didn’t help that the soup had to cool off before you could eat it, which is why we had Thai food.

But I did manage to finish the book, then the script of ABRAHAM LINCOLN: VAMPIRE HUNTER, both by Seth Grahame-Smith, who also wrote the hit genre mash-up PRIDE AND PREJUDICE AND ZOMBIES.

I’ll start with the book. I’m a huge fan of US history, so I was looking forward to it.  K liked P&P&Z, but thought I would really enjoy this.  It starts out with an introduction told in first-person narrative, then shifts into a historical ‘record’.

It takes the concept of Lincoln having kept a journal of his vampire-hunting exploits, including how his mother was killed by one to pay a debt to a land-owner.  This is the trigger that sets up Abe’s lifetime goal: eliminate all vampires.  Clever.

It seems like Grahame-Smith started with Lincoln’s history and applied vampire elements where they would fit best, including his first love being killed by one, and the brilliant notion that vampires were the biggest supporters of slavery (and therefore the Confederacy as well).

It was a quick, easy read, and definitely would make for an entertaining movie.  I just had a few problems:

1. The cheesy-looking ‘photographs’.  Grahame-Smith even acknowledges a friend for her ‘Photoshop genius’.  I realize photography was in its infancy, but they just look silly.

2. The idea that John Wilkes Booth was a vampire himself.  Not bad, but doesn’t work for me.  I think it’s taking the vampire idea a little too far.

3.  A major character throughout the story is Henry Sturges, a vampire who helps Abe learn how to fight and defeat them (a self-imposed penance).  Henry is always offering Abe the chance to have someone he deeply loves be turned into a vampire; Abe always refuses. SPOILER ALERT!  The book ends in 1963, at Martin Luther King Jr’s “I Have a Dream” speech (in front of the Lincoln Memorial, of course), and Henry and Abe are there.  I didn’t like it.  It seems like a cop-out.

Personally, I think it would have been better to have Henry assisting other prominent figures as vampire hunters through history (Teddy Roosevelt, Charlie Chaplin and Elvis come to mind.  Admit it.  Elvis as a vampire hunter would absolutely kick ass.)

Now for the script, which was on last year’s Black List.  It takes almost the same approach.  It’s all told as history, but with a ton of Lincoln narrating in voiceover.  Maybe a little more than necessary.

It also does a bit of jumping around, chronologically, just to establish the Lincoln-vampire backstory/connection.  This is followed by some big sequences, including when Lincoln met Henry, Lincoln with Mary, and pretty much the latter half revolving around the Civil War.

What I found very interesting was that for the most part, the script started out very similarly to the book ( at least from a historical record point of view), then seemed to take a wild turn into flat-out action-adventure. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it came across as very in-your-face about it. “Hey, this is the exciting part, so pay attention!”

And since every story needs a bad guy, the idea of a ruling vampire is introduced.  I realize he’s the brains behind the vampire movement, but he doesn’t appear in that many scenes, so his role in the story isn’t as big as you would expect.

After the big showdown, it really speeds through to the end.  There’s only one scene regarding the assassination at Ford’s Theatre, and even that’s barely half a page, then it jumps ahead to 1965, with Henry and Lincoln side-by-side in Washington DC.  Again, I didn’t care for it.

It will be interesting to see what changes, if any, are made before this hits the big screen, which it appears it’s going to.

Tentatively scheduled for a June 2012 release, directed by NIGHTWATCH, DAYWATCH and WANTED’s Timur Bekmambetov, with Benjamin Walker as Abe.  I suspect this will be more popular on Netflix than in theatres.

I once again suggest that if this can be made into a feature film, then why not my idea of THE 3 STOOGES: UNDERCOVER G-MEN?

Movie of the Moment:  V’s afterschool is doing several dance numbers (none of which she’s involved in), including a Wizard of Oz storyline, which includes ‘Ease on Down the Road,” so we watched THE WIZ.

It was okay, but probably would have better to see the full-on Broadway version.

And you don’t know what difficult is until you try explaining 70’s black culture to a 21st-century child.

I’d pay to see it

Maximum Z Black List, Chronicle, comic books, screenwriting

The rain has been hitting the Bay Area hard the last couple of days, which means I stay at work until noon.  And with all those idiots on the roads who forget you can’t drive 80 mph on the freeway in the rain, the traffic problems come in fast and furious.  And it’s exhausting.

So when I got home today, I just didn’t have the strength to work on LUCY.  Instead, I opted to read the Black List script CHRONICLE by Max Landis, son of director John Landis.

The basic premise is that three teens in suburban Portland, Oregon gain superpowers.  The only way this could be considered a comic book movie is if it were written by Warren Ellis, Clive Barker, Neil Gaiman and Alan Moore.  If you know comics, and those writers in particular, then you know this can’t end well.

I’ll get to the story in a second, but think it’s really important to comment on HOW the story is presented.  The whole thing, all 92 pages, is seen via video footage.  A docu-drama, like PARANORMAL ACTIVITY or CLOVERFIELD.  Everything is from the camera’s point of view.  The events have been CHRONICLED.  Hence the title.  Clever, no?

At first, I wasn’t sure if it was just a gimmick, or if it would eventually go to a ‘regular’ look, but Landis keeps it going throughout the whole thing.  And after a while, I could see why.

Using the video footage and breaks between filming, as well as smart dialogue and well-written wide margins, helps the reader understand what’s transpiring onscreen.  Sometimes you read something that may seem unfilmable, but after giving it a second read-through, it still works.  Quite nicely, actually.

Regarding the story, the main character is Andrew, a loser with a video camera.  He films everything.  We get a glimpse into his harsh home life, as well as his own personal hell that is high school.  We also meet his cousin Matt and school golden boy Steve.

Somehow they find themselves in an underground cave, where they acquire telekinetic powers.  This was the only confusing part of the story for me.  The cave is never explained.  It’s just there.  I’ll have to read through it again.  Maybe I missed it.

Anyway.  Their powers start out small, but get stronger, including the ability to fly.  But like the late Ben Parker said, “With great power, comes great responsibility.”  Especially for main character Andrew.  While the ability to move things with his mind is at first thrilling and exciting, the more he uses them and the stronger his powers get, the darker he and his world become, culminating in the surprise death of a main character and what a full, all-out super-battle in a major metropolis would really look like.

And while I’m not a big fan of onscreen gore, there were two scenes that, if done properly, would look absolutely brutal.

What I really liked about the script was how you could read more into what was going on, just by how a phrase or sentence is worded.  Really effective stuff.  I didn’t know what to expect when I started reading it, but it was definitely unique and didn’t turn out the way I thought it would.  Which is always a nice surprise.

According to the Internets, Fox picked it up last August and it’s in pre-production now with a tentative release date of sometime next year.  Thrilling stuff.

Movie of the Moment: GI JOE: THE RISE OF COBRA.  Cinematic Velveeta.  Campy.  Silly.  Fun, especially if you’re 12 or under.  I’m really glad I did this on Netflix, rather than paid to see it.  I mean, really.  Acceleration suits? Puh-leeze.

Is this why Christopher Eccleston left DOCTOR WHO?  Jeez, I hope not.

That’s more like it

Maximum Z analysis, Black List, Lucy Steele, Murder of a Cat, outlines, screenwriting

It was quite a challenge, but I finally found a goal for my antagonist I’m happy with.  And even better, I didn’t have to change that much in the outline.  Sure, the opening scene is gone and now focuses on Lucy herself, but I think that’s for the best.

I had completely forgotten how both protagonist and antagonist should stand in the way of the other achieving their goal.  That really helped me figure things out.

Now it’s back into the quagmire that is the latter half of Act Two.  Good news on that front as well: I read over last week’s progress, and a lot of it still works.  So far, so good.

Once I get to the end of Act Two, and then figure out my way through Act Three, fine-tuning it may not be as difficult as I think (he typed with fingers crossed).

-As promised, a little more detail about MURDER OF A CAT, my most recent Black List script.  Like I said, I wasn’t that impressed.

It’s the story of a guy whose cat is murdered, and he works on figuring out the who and the why behind it.  I like the concept, but didn’t like the main character.  Can somebody please announce a moratorium on the now-cliched idea of an arrested development guy still living in his parents’ basement?  It’s no longer original, and I find them really annoying.

Honestly, he really reminded me of Ignatius J Reilly from A CONFEDERACY OF DUNCES.  Which I didn’t like either.  So sue me.

And if I don’t like the main character, why do I care if he succeeds or doesn’t?

But that’s the problem.  Although I didn’t like him, I was interested in the mystery angle of the story.  He just happens to be the guy right in the middle of everything.  And adding to all of that, the main female character turns into a love interest.  I found her becoming attracted to him a little hard to believe.  Having them stay at odds throughout would have been much better.

I’m having a little trouble figuring out how this made it to the Black List.  The writing is…okay.  There doesn’t seem to be anything unique, original or (in my opinion) funny about it.  It wouldn’t surprise me if somebody read this and thought “Will Ferrell would be perfect!”

Who am I kidding?  Half of LA probably did.

Next up: I was going to read CHRONICLE, but I’m almost done with the book version of ABRAHAM LINCOLN, VAMPIRE HUNTER, so I’ll probably tackle the script soon afterwards.  That should be very interesting.