feedback

I have… concerns -OR- More than a few red flags

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My script didn’t make Second Round for the Austin Film Festival, which I accept. It’s just the way it goes. Sometimes it clicks with the reader, sometimes it doesn’t. Nevertheless, I was looking forward to getting the notes back to find out what they had to say.

The notes arrived.

At first glance, they seemed okay. Maybe not addressing what they felt didn’t work, but more like “here are some issues you might want to address”. That… kind of makes sense. But there were also comments of how one very minor character should have been more developed(?), or that a major supporting character felt “secondary”(??), and that the protagonist should be more active in the first act(?!?).

Re: that last one – apart from a handful of scenes, she IS the first act.

Overall, the notes felt very odd, and somewhat unemotional; like they were missing something. Couldn’t put my finger on it.

Other writers were posting on social media that their notes felt as if they’d been written by AI. That gave me pause.

I read my notes again and realized some important components were missing, such as:

No mention whatsoever of the antagonist. AT ALL. Imagine discussing Star Wars and ignoring Darth Vader.

No addressing the very relevant detail that Acts 2 and 3 take place in New Jersey.

No mention of any other supporting characters.

No comments or thoughts about the jokes. In a COMEDY.

There are a few others, but these were at the top of the list.

I passed this info on to my manager, who put them into an AI detection program. The result said 85-90% AI.

I tried it with a different program. 100% AI.

I composed a civil and respectful email to Austin. I made a point of not ranting or raving, simply saying how disappointed I was to have experienced this. Whether or not they respond remains to be seen. Other writers have asked for a refund.

Austin averages around 14-thousand entries, so they need readers. But from what I understand, the quality of the readers, or least their analytical skills, have gone downhill over the past few years.

Quick sidenote – I was really hoping that when the Nicholl implemented their “one script per entry” policy a few years ago, Austin would follow suit. No such luck. Profit above quality once again.

I was an Austin reader a few years ago and always did my best to give quality notes, because as someone who enters scripts into a prestigious competition like this, it’s what I would expect. Don’t get me wrong -I’ve received more than my fair share of lousy notes from Austin, but at least I could tell they were written by an actual person.

When we write our scripts, we hope that readers and audiences will connect with them. That they’ll be able to relate to the story and characters. That they’ll be entertained.

Analysis by AI totally ignores that and sees only what’s on the page, not what it’s saying. It only knows what it’s been programmed to know. Notes via AI are doing a total disservice to the writer. It might identify if something’s not working, but it can’t explain why or make suggestions of how to fix it.

Like one of the signs at the 2023 writers strike said: “AI did not experience childhood trauma”.

I’d already drastically cut back on entering contests, with Austin one of the few I considered still worth entering. After this experience, I’m not so sure.

There will be questions

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I consider myself to be very fortunate to be part of this community, and a significant part of that involves seeing the creativity and writing skills of its members on display in the form of their scripts. I really enjoy reading them, and appreciate when they read mine.

Part of that involves – when requested – the giving of notes. I try to be as objective and helpful as I can, and a big part of that is me asking questions.

Sometimes it’s to clarify a necessary detail, or something important, or maybe it’s about the WHY as it applies to any number of things. If something isn’t clear to me from what’s on the page, I’ll ask questions to the writer in the hope that that will help them make it more clear. It’s safe to say the less questions I have, the better the script is.

I’ll never tell a writer “This is how you should do it”, because that’s just wrong and simply not helpful. If what they have on the page isn’t conveying its intent enough, I might make suggestions of alternatives that still accomplish what the original material was trying to do, along with “just my two cents”.

A lot of these script swaps are for both reading enjoyment and quality improvement, so both parties are appreciative and receptive to notes and comments that could potentially help make each script better. It’s always nice to hear “These are really helpful! Thanks!”, “You’re not the first person to say that,” (or its mirror twin “Nobody’s mentioned that before”) and “I never thought of it that way.”

This isn’t to say all my notes are perfect, ’cause they definitely ain’t. Sometimes a writer will respond with “I get what you’re saying, but I think this way is more effective”. And that’s fine. It’s their script, not mine.

I will also add that I will absolutely not hesitate to point out a spelling or punctuation error. Proofread, people! SPELLCHECK IS NOT YOUR FRIEND.

Like I said, I’m very fortunate to always have a short stack of scripts in my reading queue, along with a steady influx of “Hey, would you be able to read this” and my asking somebody to read something of theirs. Even though it always takes me a little longer than expected to get to each one, which usually involves sending a note/email apologizing for the delay, it’s always great to open that pdf file and dive right in.

But rest assured, questions will be asked if needed.

Get the forks ready

Maximum Z action, animation, Austin Screenwriting Competition, comedy, contests, determination, draft, editing, fantasy, feedback, inspiration, jokes, Looney Tunes, Nicholl Fellowship, notes, PAGE International, perseverance, persistence, polish, rewriting, scenes, screenplay, screenwriting, script, writing , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

After I-don’t-know-how-many drafts, this most recent version of my animated fantasy-comedy is pretty much it for me. Granted, I’m waiting to hear back from some readers – some new sets of eyes and one who’d read a previous draft, so there’s a chance of more notes, meaning most likely one more revision, but for the most part – j’en ai fini avec ca.

This has been a long time coming – a few years, in fact. I often hear how you should learn to move on from projects, but there was always something about this one that always seemed to whisper “not yet”.

The work this time around definitely felt a little different. Scenes were moved around, trimmed, or flat-out cut entirely. Action lines and dialogue were tweaked accordingly, some more than expected. Sometimes I’d get a jolt of sudden inspiration and change something that hadn’t been touched since very early on. There were even a few new opportunities to add in a joke, including one that still makes me chuckle when I think about it.

Since I’d already planned to drastically cut back on contests, this one will probably be sent to just Austin and PAGE. I’m not really sure if this is this sort of script that Nicholl readers go for, although an animated script has been a finalist before, so you never know.

It’s a little frustrating it took so long to get here, but I’m extremely proud and happy with how it turned out – especially after this latest draft.

What a good run this was, and it definitely helped raise the quality of my writing.

Taking a little time off to catch my breath, with the gears already turning for the next one.

A few more hurdles to go…

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Several days and a lot of pages marked up with red ink later, the latest draft of the animated fantasy-comedy is complete.

But no resting on the laurels for this guy.

I have a few other pending projects that need my attention, and then it’s one more read-through to fix any new issues. That draft will then go to some readers, most likely resulting in another draft. After that, maybe a contest or two.

There weren’t a lot of major changes for this round; more like lots and lots of little ones. A changed word or phrase here, the reorganizing of action lines or dialogue, that sort of thing. Nothing too drastic, but just enough to make a difference.

Additionally, after all the time I spent on a potential new title, I decided to stick with the original one. For now, at least. If a producer wants to buy it and then change it, who am I to say no? Once the check clears, of course.

And a huge shoutout to all the readers whose notes made a big difference.

Overall, I’m quite happy with how it turned out. I’m glad I took my time and didn’t rush it. It feels more put-together than before, and hopefully the end result will be as rock-solid as it can be.

Fingers crossed.

Input much appreciated

Maximum Z action, animation, comedy, community, determination, draft, encouragement, fantasy, feedback, networking, notes, perseverance, persistence, rewriting, screenplay, screenwriting, writing , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

In the past week and a half, I’ve had a pair of Zoom calls with writing colleagues – the first to discuss ideas for my action-comedy spec, and the second to review their potential fixes for the animated fantasy-comedy. Additionally, one friend did some pro coverage on the animated script, and another friend sent a video of their page-by-page analysis for it.

I can’t begin to describe how beneficial all of these were in making me feel more confident about each project.

I’d been feeling stuck regarding the story of the action-comedy, so talking through it with somebody helped fit a few more puzzle pieces into place. Also great – they love the concept of the story and think it has a lot of potential.

Still quite a ways to go on it, but every little bit helps.

As for the animated script, the general consensus was that a lot of it is solid, but a few areas could use a little adjusting that would all go a long way in improving it. Even better – these are not major changes, so although they’re still challenging, they’re not insurmountable. Just requires a little more effort on my part.

Another bonus was that all three had very positive and encouraging things to say about the script itself, and felt these changes would help take it to the next level. I’ve set a deadline to have a completed draft by the end of the year, but hoping it’s closer to the end of October. Either way, seems doable.

Like I said – feeling really good about both projects. And I definitely would not have gotten to this point if I hadn’t reached out and asked for this kind of feedback.

Your network of writers is one of the most underrated but also most valuable resources you have. Notes, encouragement, connections, just to name a few. I love helping out when I can, and I know that many times the feeling is mutual.

Even though I’ve gone through A LOT of drafts for the animated script, it wouldn’t be what it is today without the feedback from many of the writers I know. Any future success it could potentially yield will be due in no small part to what other writers had to say about it.

For which I am very, very grateful.