Feedback, Inc.

I’m really proud of how the end of the first half of Act Two developed today. I managed to make my hero more proactive, which was somewhat of a problem in the previous draft.  I like how things are progressing.  Tomorrow – moving beyond the midpoint! Whoo!

-Despite wanting to put it off, I bit the bullet and told my rewrite client what I thought of her script.  And to be honest, it was what needed to be said.  But I wasn’t mean about it.  That benefits nobody.

I focused on the elements I had problems with, most of which are easy to fix with a more solid outline, a better comprehension of what a script should look like, and a general familiarity and knowledge about screenwriting basics.  Armed with those, and the time and effort put into consecutive drafts, this script could show a lot more potential.

A lot of writers trying to break in think they can crank out a draft, maybe one or two rewrites, and it’s perfect. Not so. Even worse, when you try and point what needs to be fixed, some can get very defensive.  How dare I even suggest such a thing?  Then they’ll wonder why the rest of the world doesn’t recognize their genius.

Hopefully this writer won’t curse my existence too much.  Now I’m wondering what the response will be to my comments.

-No Movie of the Moment today. Doing the midday shift cuts into my movie-watching time.  That and it is totally exhausting.

Eureka! (You don’t smell so good yourself)

Sorry.  Couldn’t resist.  Old 3 Stooges joke.

The reason behind that exclamation of wonder is because of what I was able to accomplish on yesterday’s DREAMSHIP rewrite effort.

Reading other scripts, especially those from the Black List, has really helped open my eyes in terms of how a good script looks, not only in terms of story, plot and character, but also regarding how it flows from scene to scene, and its actual appearance on the page.

As much as I’d like to name the fantastic actioner I read last week, I promised the person who sent it to me I wouldn’t, so I’m not.  But reading it made me realize I could take the same approach to my script. Great set pieces. Showing character through action. You get the idea.

Part of my problem with rewrites is that I always tend to not veer too far from the original material, so things don’t change that much. So far, that does not seem to be the case.  It’s kind of a thrill to take what I had, see if there’s a way to turn it around, or at least do something completely unexpected with it.  Even better, the new result is stronger, and also strengthens the story in ways I had never thought of or anticipated.  I like when that happens.

-Movie of the Moment: another two-fer. First, TALES FROM THE SCRIPT. A documentary consisting of interviews with screenwriters about their craft. Informative, fascinating, funny, and necessary viewing for writers trying to break in.

Second, AIKA R16: VIRGIN MISSION, anime from Japan. A prequel of sorts for a female adventurer, explaining how she got her start. Apparently this was released ten years after the original series, which I’ve yet to see. A clever concept and fun to watch, but way too many gratuitous panty shots. Just not my thing; in fact, it got a bit monotonous after a while.

Anybody got an anime series or film they’d recommend?  I lean more towards the sci-fi/comedy mix. I’ve seen just about all the Miyazaki oeuvre and most of the more well-known ones (AKIRA, STEAMBOY, COWBOY BEBOP, PROJECT A-KO), but gladly welcome something new.

*Last-minute item. This was supposed to post yesterday, but I wasn’t paying attention and inadvertently erased it.

While I was writing the above content, I got an email from my rewrite client from last week. They thanked me for my work and wanted to know what I thought about the script.

If you’ve been diligently following along, you’ll recall I did not have the highest of opinions.  Therefore, I’m working on a response I can only hope that will be politely and tactfully helpful.

Just a little break

Ever have one of those days where you want to sit down and be a creative dynamo, but just can’t muster the energy?

That’s how I felt yesterday. I was done with work, the weekend right there in front of me, but the drive to do some work on the rewrite just wasn’t there.

I’m sure if I were a working screenwriter, I would have forced myself to work. But after a long week and a day of running around, I just ran out of gas.

Fortunately, it was a short-lived feeling and I’m raring to dive in this coming week. Doing the midday traffic shift will also help.

-Movie of the Moment: THE PROJECTIONIST, recommended by Mark Evanier. A clever film from 1971 starring Chuck McCann as a projectionist in a Times Square theatre prone to imagining a fantasy life in silent black and white, partly composed of a huge assortment of older film clips, including CASABLANCA, GUNGA DIN and some FLASH GORDON. Again, all of these without sound.

According to the pre-showing interview on TCM, the director got all of these clips without any hassle over the rights because he knew just about everybody at most of the studios, so he could pick and choose what he needed from his pals. Nice.

There isn’t really much of a plot for the present-day stuff; mostly him working (including Rodney Dangerfield in his film debut as the grouchy theatre manager and the villain in the fantasy segments), and walking around NYC. Actually, watching him navigate the crowds, cafes and shops is a little sad. McCann comes across as lonely but never pathetic.

The fantasy sequences are where it really comes alive, revolving around the quest to recover a secret death ray formula, a scientist and his beautiful daughter, and numerous fights featuring 3 Stooges-like sound effects.

I suspect this would appeal more to film aficionados than your average filmgoer. I enjoyed it, especially McCann’s dead-on impressions, but don’t feel the need to see it again.

From one grind to another

Yeah. Something like that.

And I’m back. My script rewrite is now in the past tense.

Maybe not an out-and-out rewrite per se, but taking a script and reformatting it into script form.  My instructions were to work my magic on the action lines and leave the dialogue alone. Mea culpa – I tinkered with some of that too.

I’ll start off by saying the idea behind the story was good, and there were faint glimmers of potential, but I had lots of problems with the execution.  I don’t know if this was a first draft, but it sure looked and read like one.

-Huge blocks of text in both the wide margins and the dialogue.

-Starting a scene in one room, then having it go to one, two or more locations, without starting a new scene

-Not giving the reader any idea who the main character is, nor establishing what was at stake, if anything.

-Characters who disappear for long stretches of time.

-Tons of unnecessary and unfilmable details.

-Story details that come out of nowhere based on nothing the reader has already read.

-Dialogue that’s pure exposition.  Sometimes repeated several times in several different scenes.

-Scenes without any conflict, or at least nothing to move the story forward, that drag on and on.

-Characters saying each other’s names over and over and over again in each scene.

-Using the same verbs and adjectives throughout the whole thing.

The whole time I was working on this, there were quite a lot of times I couldn’t help but roll my eyes in disbelief.  But the main point is: I’m done with it.

The Nicholl deadline is next week.  No way am I going to make it.  I figure I can work on the DREAMSHIP rewrite, then pump out a first draft of LUCY.

Movie of the Moment: MAN OF THE CENTURY.  A fun, small independent film from ’99 about a man who lives in then-modern NYC as if it were the 1920s. I’d heard about it when it was originally released, which was for about a week in the arthouse circuit.  If you get a kick out of the early days of talkies, or at least the dialogue, then you’ll enjoy this.  Only complaint – they never explain why the guy is like this.

Turns out the star and director also wrote it.  They must have spent a lot of time researching the slang and catchphrases of the day, because they’re prevalent throughout the whole thing.

I was also impressed with how they had about eight different storylines each tie up nice and clean in the last five minutes.

I’d love to know how they got Frank Gorshin involved.  I thought he was in it for a cameo, but he was one of the subplots.

-I got to read a phenomenal action script yesterday.  It was fast-moving, exciting and just a blast to read.  It’s what I hope LUCY can be like.

Gag in effect

And not the funny kind.

I’ve been out of circulation for the past few days because I’ve been slaving away on reformatting a Word document into an actual script.  I finished a day ahead of schedule, so now I’m waiting to hear back from this person to see if they want any more changes.

I’m forcing myself to refrain from making any comments about the original material until everything is completely over and done with.

And that hasn’t been easy.